


I won't let him near you

by shadow_bright_shine



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Comfort, Conversion Disorder, Coping Mechanisms, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Flashbacks, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Hysterical Blindness, Man this looks bad, Minor Violence, Move over Phil Tommy has a new dad, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past and Present, Post dreams imprisionment, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Sam is a great father, Sam is best dad, Self-Worth Issues, Tommy was crying, Tubbo is a fainting goat hybrid, Tw//disassociation, awesamdad, implied PTSD, injuries, mentions of manipulation, minor? gore sort of I don't know what counts as gore, past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:29:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29640954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow_bright_shine/pseuds/shadow_bright_shine
Summary: "Tommy?" Sam called from the hallway, he had moved in a few weeks ago. "You alright?"A small voice came from through the door. "I-I'm fine Sam d-don't worry about-" Tommy cut off and Sam could hear a sob. Sam pushed the door open quickly and rushed to his son.** Welcome to the world of teenagers trying to deal with trauma! We have child soldiers that had to fight 4 wars, we have isolated teens manipulated not just outside, but inside as well. We have survivors of explosives, fireworks, exiles, and more. In fact we have someone who fits all of those things. We have a variety of different coping behaviors and Hurt/comfort to boot! Welcome to Awesamdad and supportive Ranboo, enjoy your stay on the trauma-coaster.**(Please don't romanticize trauma)
Relationships: Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit, TommyInnit &Toby smith
Comments: 132
Kudos: 601





	1. Chapter 1

"Tommy?" Sam called from the hallway, he had moved in a few weeks ago. "You alright?" 

A small voice came from through the door. "I-I'm fine Sam d-don't worry about-" Tommy cut off and Sam could hear a sob. Sam pushed the door open quickly and rushed to his son. 

"Tommy! What's wrong Tommy?" He sat down next to him on the bed, putting an arm around him comfortingly. Tommy looked away and tried to hide his face. He shook his head. 

"Nothing! I'm-I'm just fine Big S, it was nothing. I'm just fine..." Tommy looked at him and sighed. Sam wasn't going to just let him hide his tears. "...I just miss him."

Sam felt a bit cold. "You mean _him_?" He asked calmly, rubbing the teens shoulders. Tommy nodded, looking away ashamed. 

"I know it's dumb! He was awful and he hurt me and I need to get over it but, but-" tears started swelling in his eyes again as he leaned on Sam. "But all I can think of is that room. Logetshire and everything he was saying. I miss the praise. It, it felt like it meant something because he was so, so-" 

"It felt like a rare treat since most of the time you were beaten down and insulted, Tommy you aren't stupid, you were manipulated and alone. You're a teenager, you shouldn't have had to deal with any of this! You should have been going off and learning what you wanted to do with your life, not fighting in wars and tortured by that...thing." Sam pulled him into a tight hug. Tommy broke down and sobbed in his arms, clutching at his shirt. Sam rubbed his back slowly, trying to help him calm down. 

"You can feel what you feel. Tommy, no one can tell you how you need to act. You are TommyInnit, not some toy to be played with and tossed around place to place. Now that I have you, I won't let anyone else get to you like that. "Sam's voice cracked a bit. "I know I failed once, but I won't let him anywhere near you ever again, he will be locked away in there forever." His voice broke. "I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to get you out sooner! I knew that he must have been hurting you but I was powerless to stop him." Sam felt himself begin to cry as well. 

Tommy smiled weakly and hugged him tightly. " _Don't worry, big men can cry too._ " He whispered. The two held each other as the past failings, trauma, everything washed over them. Finally Tommy loosened his grip and looked at Sam. "Big S..." he paused. "Sam?"

Sam looked at him, drying his eyes. "Yes Tommy?" 

"Can I call you dad, please?" He asked quietly, looking down as if afraid Sam might get angry. Sam felt his eyes water, but for a different reason.

"Tommy, I'd love that." he glanced at him laughing. "In fact, I think we should make that official. Would you like to be my son Tommy?" 

There was a second of silence before the teen grinned and tackled Sam. "Yes! Yeah if you want me that is I'd love that Dad!" The words sounded right, like they'd been waiting to be said since everything started. Sam held Tommy tight, assuring him things were going to be just fine.

"Then I declare you my child, TommyInnit." They looked at each other, feeling better then either of them had in quite some time. 


	2. Getting back up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I'm planning on some things in future, but for now we have hurt/comfort and establishment to do. It's been about two weeks since the last chapter.  
> Tw// injuries, breakdowns, possible derealization(?)

"Hey Dad?" Tommy knocked on his door, peering inside. Sam was writing something down in his log book. "I'm back." 

Sam looked up, waving him inside. "Tommy! How was mining with Hannah?" Sam put away the book and sat down at the bench he'd installed in the room for them to share. Tommy smiled and sat next to him. 

"Pog, she's not too bad-not for me of course, I can't get tied down yet, got stuff ta do and all that." Sam nodded, looking him over. His hair had gotten messy from the hot air underground. He'd have to clean up later. "Anyway I was gonna ask about getting some food. I'm starving after all that work." 

"Of course, how about some chicken? I'm experimenting with a new recipe and I need someone to test it with me." He stood up, Tommy following just behind as they walked through the vault, Tommy still held his breath walking through it. It was so full of riches, he couldn't help but feel awed by all the redstone contraptions that lined the walls. "Did you find anything interesting while you were out Tommy?" Sam asked opening the side door. 

He shook his head. "Eh, not much honestly, just a load of iron and coal. You know we talked about all sort of stuff! She really likes bats, not sure why. I don't see what's so great about 'em myself but if the lady likes bats then-" He burst out laughing, taking a breath. "We ended up in a mineshaft. But, well we didn't want to try and explore it yet." He ducked under a stray wire, grabbing an apple off the counter as Sam moved to turn the oven on.

Sam set the furnace to the right temperature and pulled a chair out to listen. "How is Tubbo doing, he isn't overwhelmed at all is he?" Tommy sat down across from him, nodding. 

"Sorta, he's been busy with Snowchester, but he says he's doing fine." He faltered. "He looks tired though. Not sure if he sleeps." Tommy looked away, a worried expression coming over his face. 

Sam blinked and cocked his head. "You don't know if Tubbo sleeps?" 

"Yeah, I've never seen him do it before. We've had sleepovers but I'm always out 'fore him. And he's up before me too. It's weird." 

Sam waited, looking at him as he started eating the apple. They sat in comfortable silence, letting the other think about their day. The light he had hooked up to the furnace started flashing. Tommy sighed, leaning back in the chair as Sam prepared the chicken for them.

After a few minutes Sam sat back down offering Tommy dinner. "Right, ok now how does this taste?" He waited excitedly for his response. Tommy started digging into it, grinning. 

"Wow! Ha this is great Sam I love it!" Tommy stopped talking, devouring the plate of chicken quickly. Sam beamed, laughing at the enthusiasm his son was showing. Sam had been trying to get better with food, since Nikki had stopped giving cooking lessons he'd had to figure out the ropes himself. The garden was getting overfilled with plants he collected to experiment with. Tommy noticed his expression and grinned back, finishing his plate and leaning on his hands. "So what did you do Dad? Ya know while I was out and mining?" 

Sam hesitated, thinking over his day. "Well me and Fran went to check on the garden after you left, everything is growing well. Ponk came over and we talked about my next project. That reminds me, Sam Nook was wondering you would like to help fund that." Sam winked as Tommy cracked up, almost hitting his head on the table doubling over. It had become their running joke. "I've been clearing out the vines from..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "Fran found a group of wolves down the sewers. They looked pretty bad so we brought to Puffy. She's going to care for them before we figure out their owner. I have no idea how long they have been down there. They looked hungry." 

Tommy looked down at his hands for a moment, looking distant. Sam stopped talking and waited for him to figure out his words. After a minute Tommy nodded to himself. "I- Tubbo and I..." He sighed, looking at Sam, trying to get the words in order. Sam stood up and walked him over to the living room, sitting Tommy down on a wool couch next to him. 

"There, now try alright Tommy?" The room was made with dark oak wood, contrasting the mostly stone house. It was easier for Tommy to speak when he felt like he wasn't underground. He nodded, smiling at the gesture. Tommy took a breath.

"Dad, I had a fight with Tubbo earlier." Sam put an arm around his shoulders comfortingly. "He keeps saying I need to stop yelling at Jack- but I know he's up to something! He keeps glaring at me when he thinks I can't see him!" Tommy's voice rose, anger seeping into his features. " I didn't do anything to him! I've literally just been talking to Tubbo and watching the hotel and avoiding some places and trying to find the right flowers for-" he stopped himself, blushing a second, distracted from his rant. Sam smiled softly, he'd ignore that last part. "I've just been me! Why's suck a prick?" Tommy flopped down on the couch, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't know what I did wrong Dad. Tubbo says everything is fine, he thinks I'm overreacting. Maybe he's right, they know each other better." 

Sam pulled him closer. "Tommy I don't think you're at fault here, Jack's been...Hanging around recently, I really do not understand that man." He sighed, thinking about the times he had to rescue Tommy from Jack. "He seems nice enough, but there is just so much, anger in him." Tommy muttered something.

"It's like looking at lava, sure it's beautiful, it hurts worse then..." He blinked sitting up looking shocked. "I mean it's like he's got some kinda fire keeping him all mean and..." He stopped, noticing Sam's concern. "Oh..." Tommy looked away, laughing. "I mean he's just a prick and-"

"Tommy, did something happen?" His tone was so gentle, Tommy bit his tongue to keep the water out of his eyes. Slowly he turned back to Sam, sighing. He couldn't play this off this time. 

Looking down at his feet, he carefully reached down to pull his cuff up. Sam's eyes widened in horror.

His entire calf was a sickening red. It looked wrong, it looked so, so wrong. Sam felt himself starting to boil, pushing the emotions back he knelt down to get a better look at it. Tommy winced in pain at the touch. It was a burn mark. 

"Dad I- it isn't as bad as-" 

"Who did this Tommy." The gentleness was gone in an instant, Tommy saw his face darken. He took a deep breath, trying to stay calm at the sudden shift. 

"It wasn't Jack, don't freak out, this is pretty old really, no big deal Big S!" He started talking quickly trying to calm the twin flames in Sam's eyes. "It was back when I was- well was back in the cell, there was- I- he didn't- well I mean-" Tommy stuttered, trying to think through his words as he was rushing to say them. His breath got shorter. "We were talking about life and things went weird- I don't really remember most of it- some kind of argument, lots of yelling." Tommy shut his eyes, but kept going. "He was saying something, it didn't make sense, everything was too fast. I tried not to- I didn't mean for- he-" 

Tears broke through the walls as he shook, his face in his hands as the words spilled out. "It hurt, I stepped back- I almost fell in- he grabbed my arm and pulled me out but it was already burning the water didn't help it was too much- the scream and the shouting and the pain was so bad I couldn't get it to stop!" 

Sam pulled him into his arms holding tightly to his son. Tommy buried himself into his father's shirt. "It got better, I woke up and it didn't hurt as much anymore, he said I had passed out and he'd been trying to fix my leg for hours. I stayed in the water pool for a long time." His voice got quiet, eyes starting to cloud. "He was right there the whole time, he gave me his food to help me heal faster. He didn't...No yelling, no one was mad at me anymore." 

Sam gripped him tighter, murmuring that he was there, any anger he'd had was gone, all of Sam's attention was on comforting Tommy. "He said that I would be ok, I was so scared, I thought- thought I might not walk anymore. But, but said things would be ok..." He whispered, staring at his hands. Sam felt cold. "It was so awful I thought I was gonna die, I'd been ready, but, but now I wasn't I wanted, I wanted to be here, I didn't want that anymore, I swear. Everything hurt, it hurt so much." He pulled himself closer to his dad as he continued, sounding distant. Sam rubbed his back, trying to keep him from going to far. 

"It hurt, everything was black around us and the lights hurt too." Sam had to strain to hear him. "He helped, I would have died without his help. He said... Tommy was going to get better if he was careful, if he stayed back from the lava now. If he stayed at the wall with the water the fire couldn't reach him. Thing's would get better. It was ok now. Now that Dream was around to keep him safe from the lava." The cold had turned to ice in his chest. Tommy was using _his_ name. Still Sam knew that stopping the flow would hurt Tommy worse then it would help. 

"I was cold. I was burning, but then things got cold and I couldn't tell the difference. Dream was asleep, I was going to freeze in the water so I snuck over to the lava to warm up. I didn't want to make anyone mad but I didn't like the floor over there. I woke up and he was holding me. He said he'd woken up and I was almost in the lava again. He had to pull me to the wall." Tommy stopped for a second, blinking. His eye's cleared for a second, and he gripped Sam's shirt tighter. "He looked like he was going to cry. He was so worried I was going to get hurt again. I should have listened and stayed away. My leg hurt, everything hurt. Dream hugged me, he cared about the pain. It didn't hurt as bad after that. I said something, we talked. His hoodie didn't feel as scary now. He kept saying something, I couldn't hear him anymore." Tommy went silent. 

Sam waited, but Tommy was quiet now. Sam ran a hand through his hair gently, holding him. "Hey, can you hear me?" He asked calmly. Tommy opened his eyes and looked up. They were out of focus, but he nodded. "You are not in trouble. I am not made at you, at all ok Tommy?" Another nod, Sam took a deep breath, guiding him to do the same. "I wish you had told me first thing when I got you out, that way we could have gotten it healed properly." It was going to scar now, he'd been too slow. Why hadn't he checked Tommy for injuries the first time he'd gotten him back? "You were so brave, I'm proud of you for holding out for so long. I think you were so strong after all of that, you know that don't you?" 

Tommy nodded slowly, mouth still locked shut. "That man wasn't there to help you, he wanted you back under him again. You never have to see him ever again Tommy. I'm here to help you, and I will never let a son of mine in his presence as long as he lives." He shivered, leaning on Sam. "I love you, and I will make sure to protect you. You are important to me Tommy. Please don't hide these things from me, I can't do anything for you if I don't know about the pain." 

"O..Ok Dad." Tommy chocked out, tears flowing as he broke down completely. Sam rocked him, telling him how proud Sam was of him, it was ok to cry, he didn't need to hide anymore. Things would improve. Sam promised that he wouldn't be mad about him being honest, ever. 

Tommy fell asleep in Sam's arms. He smiled and carried the boy to his bed. "I'm always here for you Tommy, and I will stay as long as you need me, and a little while after that." Sam hesitated, looking at the door. 

Sam slept next to the bed, holding onto Tommy's hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sudden angst. I'm planning on some happiness, well I hope. I can assure you happiness will not abandon this fic.


	3. Past events don't disappear.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo and Tommy hang out.  
> Tw// fainting, PTSD, explosives, implied and shown flashbacks.  
> comfort methods// physical reassurance, words of comfort, friendship.

Tommy lifted up the log Tubbo was having trouble carrying back to his house. "Here I got it Tubs. Where's this one going again?" 

Tubbo looked at the blueprints he'd written up for his home expansion, he had to make a room for Ranboo when he visited. "Uh I think on the left side? Yeah that works!" He put away the paper and carried the planks just behind Tommy. "Thanks for helping me out big man, how's your hotel?" 

"It's going well, Ender boy's been living in it for like a week straight, but he does pay so it's fine with me." Tommy walked up the scaffolding to put the log into the right spot as Tubbo nailed the planks into a proper wall. "He's gonna live 'ere now right? Or like is that more a temporary thing?" 

Tubbo checked the plans and nodded, "Yeah! He and Michael will be living with me for a week or two. Then I'll go over and stay with him back at his place. You know change things up, keep it fresh and all that!" He laughed, "Hope Techno doesn't mind me living so close by." Tubbo hesitated a moment before shaking his head. "I think it'll be alright though! He doesn't know Snowchester's a country so I'll be fine."

Tommy took a step back and tossed Tubbo a porkchop. "Well 'long as you got my number you can call me right?" Tubbo nodded again pulling out his communicator, which had Tommy's number on speed dial. The two looked at each other for a second. "I kinda miss when we were roommates." Tommy admitted, looking at his own communicator. "Was nice knowing where you were most of the time." 

"Yeah...But now we can feel even better visiting! What 'distance makes things feel cooler' or something?" 

Tommy cracked up almost dropping the communicator. "Tubbo it's distance makes the heart...something I don't know either. It's like love stuff." 

Tubbo started racing to explain. "Oops! Sorry big man I'm-" Tubbo stopped talking as Tommy actually fell down laughing at his reaction. He grinned. "Very funny Tommy." 

"Ok, ok." Tommy gasped out, standing up. "Right, now wh..." He took a breath. "What now?" 

"Well, I didn't have any plans, so, prime path?" Tubbo offered, taking a bite of the meat. Tommy nodded and they started for the Greater SMP. Things were more peaceful with everyone spreading out. With L'manburg gone, people had moved onto other projects. Quackity was off hosting some sort of game show with Karl. Sapnap had been missing for a day or two, and Fundy was staying with Eret at the new castle they built. Who knew what the badlands were up to these days, and without a war to fight Punz was off looking for other ways to gain wealth when he wasn't with the 'egg heads.' Things were quiet up town. 

Tubbo looked around the path, blanching at the increasing number of vines that were invading, growing over everything around them. It spoiled the view. They continued chattering about normal life and their daily accomplishments. "So what about you and Sam?" Tubbo asked, pointing at the pin in Tommy's scarf. Tommy glanced at it, smiling. 

"Better then they ever 'ave." Tommy looked at Tubbo, a new spark shining in his eyes. "He's great Tubs, I've learned all these things I can do. He said he's gonna teach me how ta fly with his trident tomorrow! No more swimming here!" 

Tubbo grinned, pulling out his own trident. "About time you used these! It's so exhausting having to walk everywhere with you big man." He giggled and patted Tommy on the back. "Not that I mind the companionship, of course not of course not. These legs just aren't built for so much walking." 

Tommy rolled his eyes and pretended to sound indignant. "Well if you're so lazy you could always 'arry me ya know."

The two laughed, continuing to walk towards the hotel before the silence was shattered by a loud boom. Tommy whipped around as Tubbo's ears ticked back. They looked at each other. Had they just been hearing things? Tommy started to say something but was interrupted by another explosion. They stared into each others faces. Tommy offered Tubbo his hand. Tubbo was a bit confused, Tommy hated holding hands with people, especially in public. However the next boom sent the doubt fleeting as he clung to Tommy. 

"We gotta see wh-what that is right?" Tommy asked, gripping Tubbo's hand a bit tighter. Tubbo nodded and they made their way closer, Tommy drawing his sword and Tubbo holding his trident more tightly. The sounds continued making Tubbo jump with every explosion. Tommy stood straighter, trying to look brave for his friend. Or he did until an extra loud one made him grip Tubbo's arm on impulse. The noise got clearer, soon they realized it wasn't tnt.

It was fireworks.

Tommy relaxed for an instant before quickly putting an arm around Tubbo, trying to copy what Sam did for him. Tubbo tried not to shake as they kept walking, though slower then before. Tubbo didn't notice, eyes searching for the source more frantically, silent. They finally made it to a large lake, seemingly decorated with various corals and plants. The offending explosives were being set off by none other then...Hbomb? 

"Hey! What's with the fireworks?" Tommy called to the man as the two approached him. Hbomb started almost dropping the flint he was holding. 

"Oh hey Tommy! Hello Tubbo! Like them? I'm working on something big for the finale! Got to give the audience a payoff for sitting through all that fishing." Hbomb waved his hands, as if gesturing to an 'audience'. 

He was an...interesting man Hbomb. He held fishing days for people to get to know them. Tommy had picked from other people that he thought he was putting on a show. Tommy smiled glancing at Tubbo meaningfully. Tubbo nodded and tried to look less terrified. Hbomb didn't seem to notice, finishing the firework he was putting together and holding it up. Tommy spoke up as Tubbo shied behind him. "Look Mr. Hbomb. My friend here has a bit of an issue with those." 

Hbomb raised an eyebrow. "Catch me up ok? What did I miss this time?" He glanced at his box of fireworks. "I swear everyday there's at least 20 pages dumped on me and I really can't keep up with all of this." 

Tommy looked at him with confusion but continued. "Well you see, in the, the wars we had there was this...incident... Tubbo really hates fireworks ok?" Tommy tried to dance around the subject, rubbing Tubbo's back. Tubbo's jaw had locked shut soon after seeing the fireworks and he remained silent during the exchange. "We made a law that fireworks are not allowed here anymore." 

"Can't Tubbo just leave? I'm pretty far out from the SMP, I mean it shouldn't be a big issue here I doubt any of the residue will hit anyone. I really want to have a big finish for this next L'cast."

Tommy sighed before stating bluntly. "Tubbo has P-T-S-D." he stressed the letters to be clear. "No more explosives or fireworks here anymore." 

Hbomb hesitated, seeming to get distracted for a moment. He paled, looking at the teens apologetically. "Oh Geez Tub's sorry! I missed the war stuff, didn't realize, oh." He looked at them again. "Here I'll get rid of these, man I'm so out of the loop." He muttered something as he hurriedly turned to grab his materials.

Tommy saw what was about to happen, and as he feared Hbomb tripped over the box beside him, loosing his grip on the flint, sending it into the box as he fell into the water. Tommy quickly grabbed Tubbo and jumped as far as he could. Tubbo's eyes widened as he stared at the fuses. Tommy managed to get them out of the blast radius just in time as the fireworks exploded in showers of multicolored sparks all around them. The sound was deafening and Tommy dove for the ground, trying to keep the superheated metal scraps off their bodies. Tubbo was blinded from the flashes and cried out as he hit the dirt.

After what felt like hours the popping of gunpower and crackling of sparks faded away, leaving the three in dead silence, ears ringing. Tommy moved slowly off of Tubbo, wincing at small burns his shirt and legs were now covered in, matching the old stains. Hbomb blinked, shaking the water off his clothing and moving towards the boys, rubbing his ears. 

Tubbo's eyes were screwed tightly shut. He had his arms wrapped across his chest, as if trying to protect his heart from something. He curled up whimpering softly. Tommy quickly pulled the smaller boy into his arms, trying to calm him down. "Hey hey, you're not dead, I got you buddy, I got you." Hbomb put a hand over his mouth horrified by the result of his actions, accidental as they were.

"I-I am so, so sorry you two are either of you hurt? Should I call somebody to come and get you? Tubbo you alright there?" Tommy ignored the older man focused on his friend. 

"I'm right here Tubbo, I'm right here." Tommy repeated, slowly prying Tubbo's fingers free of his shirt to hold his hands. Tubbo didn't respond, eyes shooting open as he suddenly jolted, trying to get free. Tommy let go and crawled back a step, trying to hold back a yelp of surprise. Tubbo kicked again unable to see as he hit a nearby fence. He panicked and launched himself forwards, almost hitting the side of the hill. Tommy scrambled to his feet grabbing Tubbo by the shoulders, forcing him to stop flailing around. Tubbo thrashed trying to fight off his friend but Tommy was stronger. "Tubbo! Stop It's me! I'm not hurting you no one is after you stop trying to run he's not here!" Tubbo shook his head, mouth shut tightly as he swerved his head around, still blinded by the flashes of the fireworks and his own fear. "It's Tommy, Tommy. Tubbo I'm not Technoblade. No one is firing at you you're safe."

Hbomb was frozen by the display, fighting himself between the desire to pick up Tubbo and hug him, and the knowledge it would probably make things even worse. "What do I do?" He asked quietly. 

Tubbo had stopped fighting, instead curling up into himself as tears finally came to him. He sobbed, holding his ears and shaking. Tommy carefully pulled the boy back into his arms, soon assured Tubbo wasn't going to kick him again. Tubbo threw himself into Tommy, knocking him backwards. Tommy tried to sit back up, rubbing circles on his friends back, trying to sooth him the best he knew how. Tubbo clung to him as Tommy rocked them slowly. Remembering there was another person Tommy looked behind him at Hbomb. He shook his head, trying to hold back his glare. He mouthed _You stay there and let me do this._ Tubbo suddenly went slack, head falling onto Tommy's shoulder limply. Hbomb cried out, ignoring the threatening look and moving closer. Tommy cut him off before he could speak.

"It's normal, I got this. You just go and do whatever it is you do with your little audience." He couldn't keep the venom out of his voice. Deep down he understood it wasn't Hbomb's fault, and that it was unfair to blame him. He didn't care. Tommy swung Tubbo up onto his back, wrapping his arms around his collar. Hbomb looked on helplessly as the duo moved off out of sight. He cursed himself, swearing to catch himself up on everything else to keep this from happening. 

Tommy easily carried Tubbo back towards his house. He'd been much healthier since he got out of the prison, and his legs were stronger than they ever had been. Tommy looked over his friend the best he could from this angle. Tubbo wasn't bleeding as far as he could tell, which he couldn't say about himself. Those boots were _hard_. The bright sunlight hurt his eyes as it reflected off the snow. Tommy put Tubbo down for a moment before carrying him in his arms the rest of the way, relieved at the loss of pressure to the burns on his back. He ignored the slight pain, focused on his friend. Kicking the door open he laid Tubbo on his bed, checking him over more thoroughly. Nothing was broken, he had plenty of bruises but those would heal. Tommy winced at the large scar across his chest, spreading outwards from the center of his abdomen and up along his ribcage, fading at the shoulders. Starting the fireplace he quickly shut the door, trying to warm the place. Tommy knew he couldn't leave. He steadied himself on a wooden railing, letting a shutter run through him as he finally processed what had happened. 

"I'm alive, he's ok. He's ok." Tommy tried to reassure himself, taking a breath and trying to hold it. That made it worse. He gasped and slid down the railing, everything catching up with him. "You can't lose it now Tommy, Tubbo needs you. He needs Tommy to be there when he wakes up like he always has. He needs someone to be here for him." He forced himself back to his feet and sat by the bed, trying to distract himself with checking over the injuries he'd gotten. About half an hour went by before Tubbo stirred, slowly coming to. Tommy was so focused on keeping himself together he didn't notice until his friend sat up. 

"Tommy?" A weak voice came. He was shocked from his own head, looking at Tubbo with relief. "Tommy I dreamt that right?" He sounded so scared. "Surely I passed out while we were building right?" Tommy hugged him tightly; that was all the confirmation he needed. 

"I am so, so, so glad you're alright Tubs I was terrified you'd gotten 'ome kind of head thing and I'd need a doctor and-" Tommy stopped talking and just let the boy hug him back. They stayed there for awhile, just comforting the other. Tubbo looked out the window at the sun, which was getting low in the sky. 

"Hey Tommy? Shouldn't you be heading back? Sam will get worried about you." He asked quietly. Tommy released him and glanced out the window as well. 

"But what about you! I can't just leave you-I can explain later- it-" Tommy stuttered, arguing. 

Tubbo cut him off before Tommy could convince him. "I'll be fine, you should go home. I can call you first thing tomorrow right? I'll even stay at your house all day." Tubbo tried to sound chipper, urging his friend to leave. 

Tommy sighed, taking the hint. Usually he'd ignore it and stubbornly stay there, but he was too tired to fight the upbeat words this time. "...Alright Tubs, I'll...I'll call you the moment I wake up and, and then you'll stay with me, yeah?" 

"Definitely, need help getting back?" 

"No, I-I can do it, rest ok?" 

"Ok Tommy! Goodbye!" The thank you was said without words. Tommy looked out at the setting sun as the door was shut behind him, sighing. He set off, walking dazedly onwards until he got about half way home. The weight of everything finally broke him, and Tommy sunk down onto the floor of the jungle as he started crying. Now that he wasn't caring for someone the emotions and pain he'd shoved into the back of his mind came crashing down. He cried, gripping the pin given to him. It spent a signal to Sam, playing the message he'd recorded. ' _Sam please come get me I need help, something happened._ ' Along with the coordinates of his location. The darkness around him grew thicker, though he didn't notice. A shadow passed over him as strong hands pulled him close. Tommy leaned in and gripped the familiar fabric, closing his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I keep trying to write fluff but it keeps turning to coping mechanism angst! Well at least I can do hurt/comfort. Also you know how the fandom has agreed Tubbo has goat horns? Well I thought, fainting goat! It fits him, and it's also sadly a trauma reaction. Hope this was enjoyable. Also I tried to match Tommy's dialogue with how he usually talks, might have messed up so correct me if I mess up too much with it. Also Hbomb because he's basically forgotten about and I like him. Please, please let me know if anything portrayed here is incorrect, I will fix it immediately.


	4. Less then he was before.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo isn't ok.  
> Tw//Hysterical blindness/conversion disorder, flashbacks.  
> No comfort this time.

"Ok Tommy! Goodbye!" He shut the door. Tubbo sighed, grabbing his hair as he sank down, hands shaking. "Sorry, can't let you get anymore w-worried about me b-big guy." He muttered, "Y-you have your, your own pr..." he trailed off, the sound dying in his throat. He shuddered, but forced himself to his bed. He managed to grab onto his pillow before the shudders became tremors. Tubbo gasped as everything came crashing down around him, explosions echoing in his ears. His voice came out so pathetically. "Uh, Hey-hey Techno, you don't have to do this you know, like, I mean you could just uh, uh." Why were those eyes so dead, what was he even thinking? The barrel was so close, he could smell the gunpowder. The faint scent of flowers from the dyes, the sharp blaze powder. Everything was recorded in such detail, it tortured him. Tommy was on the roof, staring at him, he was so angry, it was almost scary. Wilbur watched, so-so detached from everything around him. Why wasn't he doing something? Why was he holding Tommy back? He needed help, he needed so much help. He couldn't even see Shlatt, but he could hear everything, he heard his voice. _Shlatt knew they were watching, he was performing for Wilbur, he was trying to bait them into hurting their cause in front of everyone. He was enjoying this!_ Technoblade didn't even blink. He sounded conflicted but he didn't blink once.

"Sorry Tubbo, I'll try to make it as painless as possible." That sent any rational thoughts he had flying. He tried to beg, he tried to free himself, why couldn't he move? Why was he stuck to the ground! Where was his voice? He was going to die, he was going to die! No no no no, not yet not in front of Tommy not in front of everyone he cared about! He heard the explosion long before any feeling hit him. Everything was blindingly bright, the lights assaulted his eyes, scorching every instant into his memory. Someone cried out for him, multiple voices calling after that before everything went silent. The pain hit, everything was burning, his clothes, his skin, he wasn't on fire, he _was_ fire now, he was timber as the décor caught all around him. His restraints had been burned away. No sound, just burning colors. He was dying, the pain, it-

Everything stopped. His pain was gone, the screams were gone. His friends were gone. He watched everything from above, watching his body fall to the ground. _Tommy_? 

He was screaming, running and grabbing his body. It hurt, it hurt worse then the fireworks. Tommy looked so broken. He never cried, never in front of other people, he would only allow Tubbo to "find" him. Tommy was sobbing, clutching Tubbo in his arms. _I'm not dead yet! I don't think I am! Tommy please run away! Leave me!_ Where was everyone else? Bodies, bodies were lying across the boardwalk he had built himself. So much blood everywhere. Tommy, Tommy was covered in his blood. A single voice shattered the silence. 

" **Tubbo!!** "

He tried to go back. He tried to get back into himself and push Tommy away, get him to run. But he was powerless, like he always was. The scene faded, he was gone too. Darkness surrounded everything, it held him. It was comforting, keeping him away from the painful lights. It felt cold, soft. He sought it out, pulling it to him. Everything was quiet. 

***

Tubbo slowly became aware of where he was, rubbing his hand over the woolen carpet. Breathing, moving, living. He reached out around him, reacquainting himself with his floor's layout. He pulled himself to his knees, crawling deftly to the chest. He pulled out the water from the slot he kept it in and downed the bottle, slightly soothing his throat. There was a fire going. 

It didn't really matter, the light didn't reach Tubbo's eyes. He sighed, rubbing the new bruises across his arms and torso. They would fade, they always did eventually. It wasn't worth his attention. Instead he reached for some food and began eating, enjoying the quiet. But then, it wasn't quiet, Tubbo could hear the fire crackle, reminding him of other memories, better ones. Foxes were squeaking outside his window, along with the wind. He could feel his breath, the shifting of the fabric as he inhaled. The wood he'd nailed in himself creaking slightly, as he had intended it to. The planks were smooth, sanded down to keep splinters off his hands. Tubbo ignored the knocking on his door, it was too late in the night to answer. Not that he could anyway. It was time to get some sleep. Tubbo stood, tapping the floor for a second, searching for one of the notches he'd whittled into the floorboards. There; he walked forwards, soon touching the bedpost. He pulled himself up, pulling the covers up around him. His eyes would work again soon, and if they didn't he could just pretend. He was good at that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Symptoms for conversion disorder, numbness, loss of vision, nervous fits, paralysis, dystonia (twitching), fainting.  
> I couldn't find a clip of the fireworks scene. Consider this fictional dramatization.  
> PLEASE, please let me know if I get something wrong here. I care about how I portray these things.


	5. What do you mean?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tw// breakdowns, mentioned/implied hallucinations.  
> Also no comfort yet.
> 
> Tommy yawned, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. 
> 
> He was in a tent. "Wha-" He scrambled out of the bed and looked around. Jungle, the tent was green, not his white, the bed was too large for him. No enderchest. "Who's there!" He shouted, trying to hide his panic under an angry tone. "Get out here and explain where the-"
> 
> "Hey Toms, good to see you awake." His eyes widened, staring at the figure in front of him. 

"W-Wilbur?" It was him, he was holding a blue rock offhandedly, but it was him. The stance, the fact that he was s _tanding_ instead of floating there. His eyes, they were not Ghostbur's whitewashed glaze. They sparked, the strong brown matching his hair. ~~He was wearing the coat they had buried him in.~~

"Hello TommyInnit, how's my little brother been doing since I've been dead?" He sounded so causal about his death, as if he had just left for a bit, not been stabbed by their father in front of him. "Things have been alright out here, not sure where to go next so I've stayed here." 

"W-Will, you're alive?" Tommy was too shocked to absorb anything his brother was saying. This wasn't real, he'd passed out and was hallucinating again, Sam must have been too afraid to move him or something. "Why are you living in the jungle?" He'd learned that talking to his hallucinations was the best way for him to get rid of them. They always slipped up eventually and ruined the world his mind built. 

"Well I wanted to live with dad, but, well I figure he'd not be the most welcome to me at the moment. Plus with the enderman around, I really just don't feel safe around the guy, too many holes in his head for me." Wilbur laughed, it was normal? Confusing he never used his normal laugh. "Besides I wanted to be close by in case you stumbled into my little camp, you're my brother! I can't just abandon you." This had to be fake he wasn't this nice. 

Tommy looked around, taking in the surroundings more clearly. Fire near a felled log, a stack of extra sticks, the tent was well made, he'd been here awhile. "How, how long have you been out here?" 

"Oh maybe a week? Memory's still getting back to normal, but a week sounds right." He hesitated, watching Tommy with confusion. "What are you doing?"

"Huh?"

"What are you doing with your arm?"

Tommy glanced down, he'd been tapping his wrist. It was something he'd picked up in his life. The repetitive motion helped keep him grounded. He stopped, blushing in embarrassment. "Oh, uh nothing Will it's nothing." He paused. "Wait...WAIT A MINUTE WHY DIDN'T YOU COME TO ME THE MOMENT YOU CAME BACK TO LIFE YOU BASTARD?!" 

Wilbur held his hands up in surrender, taking a step back. "Woah woah calm down Toms I wanted to but Sam wouldn't let me get close!" 

"THAT'S NO- wait Sam? Why didn't Dad, why, what?" This didn't make sense, this had to be a delusion, this couldn't exist. "What do you mean. Explain."

Wilbur sighed, sitting the bed next to him. "Look, I tried to come after you, after Dream" Tommy winced. "brought me back to life I searched for you. Sam told me you needed time to get used to living with him before I piled anymore 'issues' onto you. Something about teaching you how to be you again. It didn't make sense, you're already Tommy! I mean you just shouted at me and called me a bastard, that's pretty Tommy to me." Wilbur smiled, reaching to take his hand. Tommy shied back, sighing sadly. 

"Wilbur...I think you should stop playing around and let me go back to reality now." Tommy looked away, he hated this part. "You don't exist, you died, I saw you die and he lies. He always lies." _He always lies._ "He didn't bring you back because he can't bring anyone back, he lied to us. I know he did because he never tells me the truth, ever. " He ignored the protests and forced himself to keep going, he couldn't let the desire win, not this time with other people who cared about him, waiting for him. "Ghostbur is all I have now, I...I don't accept that, but I have to eventually." Tommy had to be honest. "I want you back, I want you to be here, I miss you so much. It hurts because you hurt me a lot. But-but you didn't mean to, I know that. You're nothing like him, you didn't want to hurt me like you did. I know that." More protests, the words didn't make it to him, Tommy wouldn't let them. 

"He tried to convince me you and him were the same. That he hadn't meant to hurt me, that he'd been angry, that he'd just gotten blinded by his passion. Like you. You weren't blinded by passion." He shut his eyes, this part always made him feel awful. "You were insane, you got so wrapped up in you're own world you hurt me, I felt like it was my fault. I couldn't stop you, you blew up my home, my nation, my FRIENDS! You set of the explosives even though Tubbo was on that stage, you hurt him! He was already so weak from his second death and you made it so much worse then before! You lost it, I had to watch it happen helpless! You were my brother and you abandoned me like everyone else did! Everyone but Tubbo and Sam, they're all I have now. My family is gone, my home is gone, my friend-not my friend, everyone but them hates me. I have nothing left of you, it was all blown up, by the bomb, by other people on accident, by-by Dream. Nothing is left, all I have is the blue your hollow shell gives me, and these DAMN HALLUCINATIONS! I DON'T WANT THIS ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON AND BE FREE OF EVERYTHING ELSE!" 

A hand touched his shoulder. "I'm so sorry Tommy." Everything around him fell apart. He knew this couldn't be real. _But his hallucinations never touched him_. "I am so, so sorry Tommy." He didn't open his eyes, Sam must be trying to wake him up, bring him back. He'd been feeling sick on the way back, he was feverish, he must have gotten hurt in the blast, a concussion. This wasn't real. 

"Let go, You're not real. None of this is real, I just have to snap back, I just have to pull myself out. I can, I know I can. I'm stronger then my past, I..." His voice failed him. The hand stayed. "Sam! Dad please help me!" He ripped himself away from the comfort, pushing the delusion away from him as he cried out. "Please I'm not strong enough I'm not please help me, Dad where are you I need you please..." 

"I'm not going to hurt you Tommy, you're scaring me what's going on?"

"Leave me alone! Go away you don't exist I'm not seeing what's real stop making it harder!" 

"Tommy, Tommy stop it's me I-"

"Stop it stop it stop it you do this every time, you make it so real but it isn't it never is it never is leave, leave! I can't, I can't...I can't stay here anymore, it isn't good for me Sam told me so, I can't stay in here anymore. It's too perfect it makes it hurt. It makes life hurt, makes me wish I could talk to you where you are, where- that I could leave and then you'd be there for real and let my own shell deal with the sadness and hurt." He gritted his teeth, pleading. "I need to stop, you need to leave. Please let me go. Please?" 

There was no response, but someone took his hand. 

"Please just let me go home, I wanna go home, I wanna see Dad, I need him I need Dad please." 

The someone picked him up, he didn't fight, instead he covered his eyes with his hands; unable to cry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


	6. Meanwhile.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit with him.  
> Tw// manipulation.

Dream sighed waiting in the silence of his cell. Things were looking up now that he'd gotten his chance. He had everything he needed now. All he had to do was wait for his puppet to come and get him. 

"You know I'll win Sam, I always do eventually. If you let me out now I can help you undo some of my tricks." He grinned. 

A voice came through the lava, muffled but angry. "You will never get within five feet of my son!" Dream's eyes widened in surprise. 

"Oh? So you formed an attachment to my little friend as well? You should know better Sam, you failed already. The kid's broken, and I have the pieces in here with me, you can't put him back together. We both know how useless it is to try. He's mine, you're just borrowing Tommy while I wait, you know." Dream responded offhandedly, inspecting his fingers, they were calloused from trying to get out a week before. 

There was a clatter, as if Sam had dropped something. "YOU WILL NOT SPEAK OF TOMMY LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN OR I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" Came a fiery shout. 

"Oh really? And what would that do to your 'son'? He needs me, if he knows it or not. And I think he does. That's why he refuses to use my name isn't it?" He'd struck a nerve, and he intended to saw that nerve in half. 

"How do you know that, I kept him away from you-" He sounded confused and upset. 

Dream noticed the lava was retracting from the ceiling. He moved away from it towards the back wall. It wouldn't do to be stabbed by an emotionally charged prison ward. "I know because you told me already Sam, I've heard you talking to Ant before. He's just a step away from breakdown isn't he, Tommy's missing his best friend and he's too scared to even mention him by name!" Dream grinned even wider, knowing Sam could see him now. The expression on his face was worth the potential punishment. 

Sam was fuming, trident gripped so tightly he could see Sam's hand shake from the effort. He was absolutely lost in the fire his eyes were blazing with. He didn't even wait for the bridge to fully reach his platform, he jumped across to the barrier. Dream raised an eyebrow as he seemed to freeze there at the barrier. "You. You will not, _ever_ talk about Tommy as if he were your toy, ever again. If you continue, I will come into this cell, push you into this lava, and while you are trying to recover I'll disable the respawn anchor and you will be left to starve in here." His voice was devoid of emotion, as if he were just stating a fact. Dream couldn't keep the slight tremble out of his hands at the coldness. 

However this didn't stop him, he knew Tommy would never let that happen. So with a renewed venom he spoke. "What makes you any worse then me then? Sounds like you're just using my methods against me Sam. Do you really want to risk turning into me for a few words?" He saw Sam's face pale, it felt good to have an actual reaction for once besides cold anger. "Tommy's been through enough, do you really want to risk getting him hurt further? That temper of yours is begging for an outburst. What happens when you snap and he comes running back to me Sam?" 

"I-That will not happen you intolerable little-" 

"But it will happen! I had him in my hands! Do you really think I just said a few words and cast an evil spell in here? I stole those pieces and no one but me can put them back in place." Dream fought back a laugh. "Tommy was messed up long before I showed up in his life, he's a broken soldier boy who misses his real daddy." The dim lighting danced in his eyes. "He called for Phil you know, plenty of times he would cry and I'd have to assure him I was there, even though his father wasn't. Even when his new dad wasn't there as well, apparently. I underestimated how alone he really was, not one father abandoning him but two? It's even more pathetic then I knew!" 

Sam took a step back, reeling from the malice in his voice. "Shut up Dream." 

He couldn't even come up with a proper response! "What is it Sam? Not used to people telling the truth? I wasn't lying before either, I was the only one there for him in exile, sure I had a few interventions here and there, but his family never once tried to visit him! But he still wanted his dad to come and save him! I don't think Phil even cares about his son anymore, that went to me. I am the new parent, not you." 

"Stop, you are nothing more than a sadistic manipulator! You are not anyone's parent, and I thank Prime for that. I will not be coerced into giving you more information about our lives then you already have Dream." Sam turned, getting ready to leave. 

Dream looked at him, a smile that matched his mask on his face. "Denial is a sad thing to see, really it is. You'll be back here begging for my help, you'll see Sam. I won the moment that idiot agreed to exile my Tommy." 

"He isn't _your_ Tommy Dream, he belongs to no one. Not anymore." Was the last thing Sam said before the lava covered the exit once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (still in story)  
> "The first mistake I made was letting Tommy stay in there with him." Sam sighed, looking at his communicator. "Oh dear."


	7. My son.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy and Sam try to be a normal family, but the past keeps trying to get in the way.  
> Tw// Derealization(?), not talking about your problems.  
> Comfort methods! Fran, doing normal things for once, bonding.

The world around him seemed to fade in and out, voices that talked above him then below him undecipherable. Tommy retreated, shutting out the sounds and hiding away in the place he'd built for himself years ago. He sat there, content to let everything else pass over him. It was peaceful here, no explosions, no fighting, no screaming or blood. Here he was safe, away from everything that had wanted to hurt him. Here he could escape the confusing things in his head. No one could touch him here. Tommy smiled, this place wasn't one thing or another, it had no look, no shape. Just him, and a comforting weight. 

Tommy listened, voices passing by in the wind. They didn't mean anything, but they were familiar, and that was nice. Whatever was going on could figure itself out without him. He didn't need to be there for everything, besides there was too much that hurt out there. The emptiness felt good, none of the arguing that was usually filling the space present. It wasn't very fun, the arguments, it made things muddled and painful. So Tommy ignored them. 

Something was moving his body. Tommy let himself fade all the way, losing track of everything. He trusted that whoever was here was there to help. Time passed, or it should have. It was hard to care, so he didn't. 

*** 

Tommy slowly came back to himself, groaning at the lingering pain in his chest from getting kicked. He kept his eyes closed; he didn't trust what he might see if he opened them. Someone took his hand and spoke. 

"Tommy? Are you awake now?" It was Sam, Tommy relaxed opening his eyes to look at his dad, relieved. "You are, Tommy do you want anything?" 

He thought for a second, enjoying the certainty his home gave him. "Maybe some water would be nice?" Tommy tried not to think about the last time he'd woken up. 

Sam nodded, though seemed hesitant to leave at first. Tommy smiled assuring him he'd be ok. Sam went to get a drink, leaving Tommy to focus his thoughts again. He sat up, sighing at the new scratches and powder marks that stained his clothes and ankles. Shower, he needed a shower today. Not thinking about Wilbur or what he'd said Tommy changed into less messy clothing. 

"Tommy...are you feeling alright?" Sam's voiced made him jump. He turned looking at him. "Hbomb told me there was an accident a few days ago." 

Tommy looked down, closing his eyes for a moment. "It's nothing, just a few scrapes and a headache." He froze. "Tubbo! I said I would come over today I gotta get over there Sam he might be hurt!" 

Sam put up a hand to stop him. "He contacted me yesterday, he said he wanted you to recover before you try and make the journey back again." He paused. "I think Ranboo can help him well enough," Sam glanced away, holding out the water bottle. "and I'd like you to stay here for today Tommy." 

"Oh...I guess sure, if you need me for something it's fine." Tommy took a drink. Sam put a hand on his shoulder.

"No, I don't need you for anything," Sam smiled, a hint of sadness to it. "I just want to spend time with my son." 

Tommy blinked, trying to figure out what he was saying. "Well, ok then? So what do you wanna do?" He put the bottle on the shelf next to his bed. 

"Why don't we figure that out over breakfast, you look hungry." 

***

Fran wagged her tail while Sam tended to his garden, yipping in excitement as Tommy threw a stick across the yard. She leapt up and rushed after it, barking as it sailed over a bush. Tommy laughed, petting her head once she came back with the stick panting. Sam looked up from the plants, smiling at the happiness he saw. Things felt right for once. He looked over the carrots, sighing at the persistence of the red weeds that refused to die. Tommy tossed the stick again, watching Fran bolt after it just as full of energy as she always was. He wished he could still be that full of energy. She sat down in front of him, waiting for her treat, which he provided, smiling at her reaction. It was like he'd given her the best present in the world. 

Sam straightened, tossing the weeds into his composter and turned to Tommy. "Could you hand me those shears?" 

"Sure Dad, here." He tossed the shears. They flew up over Sam's head and hit the wall. Tommy blushed looking at his hand. Sam chuckled, retrieving the tool with a smile. 

"You're a great shot, where did you learn to throw like that?" 

Tommy looked at him. "It's something I was...I just picked it up." He trailed off, shifting uncomfortably in the grass.

Sam didn't push him, nodding. "Well it is very impressive, you'll do great with the trident." They returned to a comfortable silence, Tommy picking up the stick while Sam trimmed the vines. Fran got tired, curling up in Tommy's lap. He ran his fingers through her fur, the softness reminding him of other things. She rubbed her head against his chest, making him wince where the bruise was still fresh. He ignored it, scratching behind her ears affectionately. He'd always wanted a pet. 

The trio went inside to cook lunch, Tommy more focused on brushing Fran's fur then helping with the food. Sam chopped up the carrots and mixed them with some of the herbs Puffy had given to him. He heated up some beef for Tommy, saving the salad for himself. "I'm done! Come here and eat something Tommy." 

"Coming!" Tommy set down the brush and stood up, Fran trailing close behind him. "Thanks for cooking, I didn't want to." He laughed, shooing the dog away from his meal. He'd give her something to eat later, this was his food. "Hey Dad?" 

Sam looked up from his salad, swallowing and nodding for Tommy to speak. "Is Tubbo really ok?" Sam looked at him, thinking over the question. 

"He had said he was, but that was over communicator, so I really can't tell you if he sounded alright. However he did say he had Ranboo there with him." 

Tommy nodded thoughtfully. "He always says that." He gripped the fork a bit tighter. "I don't know why, but he always seems fine. I just have to trust him I guess." 

They sat in silence, eating and cleaning off the plates. Sam's communicator rang, he sighed, putting it away. "Ant is calling me, he says that he needs me back in the badlands." He paused. "I think he can wait for a bit." 

Tommy tried to hide the way he lit up at that. "Good, so you can stay? Fran hasn't had her time with you yet, wouldn't want to bore her with just one person." 

"Of course, she needs some time too." Sam looked at him knowingly, to which he rolled his eyes. They both grinned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I've gotten one comment asking for more Sam and Tommy, anyone else? I do want to know what you would like next.


	8. Shifting rooms.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world isn't always what we want it to be.   
> tw//Blindness, derealization, disassociation(?), (I don't know how to describe what Tubbo is doing I do it and I don't know what it is.), breakdowns.   
> Comfort methods! Physical comfort, understanding, confronting the problem, venting.

Tubbo awoke to another knock on his door. Everything was still black when he opened his eyes, sighing he felt around for the notches in the floor and headed for the door. "Yeah I'm coming, just a minute." He'd have to make an excuse for not coming with Tommy today. "Yeah big man? Sorry about this but I have something I forgot I had planned with Ranboo, can't go with you today." 

"Tubbo, I know you can't see." Ranboo's voice came from above him. Crap. "Can I come in please?" 

Tubbo stepped to the side, feeling the air move by him before he closed the door. He'd memorized the layout of his house, but having a guest inside threw everything off. Ranboo tapped his shoulder. "Oh, right this way." 

Sitting down on the bed beside him, Tubbo relaxed. "Right then, can't hide the blindness?" 

There was a second of silence, as if someone was waiting for his response. "Oh! Yes no you cannot hide this. So what happened, and why are you doing your persona smile?" Ranboo was pretty blunt about this stuff he'd found. That was good because he would never talk about it otherwise. "How did you know about

"Well! Uh, not too much really, me and Tommy went on a trip through the Greater SMP, he's doing better with Sam now, I got..." He trailed off. "I got...and..." 

Ranboo put an arm around him. "It's alright, you don't have to do the happy-all-the-time act for me." 

Tubbo turned his head away from his voice. "How'd you know to come here?" 

"Tommy didn't ask for my pay this morning. Figured he must have had a hard time, which usually translates to you having a hard time and forcing him away from you." He stated. 

"Ouch." 

Ranboo rubbed his shoulder. "I mean I'm not wrong. You can talk about your problems Tubbo, that is something you should do with people you trust. Look at me! I'm getting counselling from purpled of all people, and it's actually helping me a lot." 

Tubbo winced. "I know..." 

"Right, therapy isn't your comfort zone, you're stalling." 

"It was workkinnngg." 

"Come on." 

Tubbo sighed, leaning on his friend. He could envision the room around him, including himself sitting there. Ranboo made the scene hard to finalize but he was there. The lines were pretty clear, though the colors wouldn't stay consistent for more then a second or two. "Fine, we ran into Hbomb." Tubbo turned his head around the room, noticing his body didn't seem to move with him until a second after. Wait he had a table there, there it was. 

"He blew you up didn't he." 

"How'd you know?" Tubbo asked head down.

"You smell like glowstone dust and gunpowder."

Why wouldn't Ranboo stay a consistent height? "Well I don't really know what happened, I kind of passed out and when I came back Tommy was trying not to sound like he had been crying. He said something about being worried, then...something I don't know." The room was changing proportions again, and the colors were all wrong. He focused on the edges of the room, adding bricks to the walls to make them more stable. 

Ranboo tapped his shoulder, no he hadn't it didn't show up- right he was a few seconds behind. "Do you need to vent for a bit? I can get you some water before you get too deep if it would help." Tubbo nodded, hoping his image of Ranboo was correct and he could see him. The bed shifted, and he was gone completely. Tubbo scrambled to readjust the space to fit. 

This is why he hated having people in the house when he was like this, it messed up everything! The colors wouldn't stay where they were supposed to the dimensions of the furniture was out the window, the windows kept changing places, it was chaos. Tubbo tried to put everything back where it belonged, but the world refused to listen to him. He balled his hands into fists, holding them on his lap. His body wasn't staying the right shape either, his horns kept growing and then disappearing before popping back up in the wrong place. 

A voice made him jump, he'd missed the footsteps. "Hey I have some water, here I will put it in your hand ok?" 

"Don't scare me like that! I almost had a heart attack Ranboo!" Tubbo gasped out, a messy sketch of his friend appearing in front of his face. A water bottle was put into his hands, which quickly took shape enough for him to drink it. He waited for Ranboo to sit down, the weight giving him a reference point. He gave up trying to make a proper picture of him and just left the outline as it was. "What were we doing again?" 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, you were about to stop suppressing your emotions for the benefit of other people for a little while." The voice had stopped matching the person. 

Tubbo tapped his hands together. "I was back at the festival, Tommy saw me die, it hurt..." He was bad at this. "So I tried to go back and tell him to get out of there before he got killed too. He didn't hear me." The glass made a clinking sound as it hit the floor. He must have let go." The black was there and it pulled me out of it. It's still here, and that's why I can't see you. It isn't ready to put me back I guess." The words started popping up around him, though they also didn't. "So I'm sitting here and making up the room around me. You aren't really in it right now, you don't really work well with the rest. The room won't stay still, which is annoying, because I thought I had fixed this already." 

"Tubbo isn't staying still either, it sucks. I can't get him to stay the right shape at all. He just refuses to stay in the right spot, floating off the bed, vanishing, turning sideways, it's ridiculous." Tubbo waved a hand around where his face would be. "It's like he said, F you I'm a glitchy boy and I don't take orders from anyone, to reality and started flying." 

A laugh made him pause. "Oh sorry sorry, just... 'I'm a glitchy boy'." Ranboo snickered. "Sorry." 

Tubbo turned his head to his friend, smiling. "It's fine, anyway so that's happening. I can still hear echo's in my ears which sucks pretty hard..." The room got smaller, it felt safer that way. "Explosions, mostly...and screaming, lots of screaming. Nikki, I think she was close to the podium so when Technoblade started firing into the crowd...She was right in the center. Tommy was screaming too, he doesn't do that very often anymore. Now he's just loud to look like he's normal. It doesn't work very well I think it just makes Jack annoyed with him." An arm pulled him close, comforting, warm. "He pretends too much, like me. He knows I don't fall for it though, not sure if he fell for mine. It's better like that, we both work through our stuff and then we get better...He doesn't need any more problems." 

"Tubbo that's not-" 

"It's much better that way, I can be in the dark for a few days, he can go be with Sam, and then we come back and everything is just fine again. Nothing more to it, we say that we're fine, we build my house. He smiles more often for real. I smile for him because he's happy, and it makes me happy too. I can talk again pretty fast, that's nice since that's the part I hate. Black isn't that bad once you get used to it, it's kinda fun." He paused, putting the walls back where they belonged, unlike the bed which was above them now. He sighed, pushing the bed back under him. "Except for the world insisting on being difficult. Makes me wonder what Tommy sees when he goes into his head. He doesn't want me to know about that, but I do. I know a lot of things I don't think he wants me too...I don't think I want to know them either." 

The warmth held him closer. "What things Tubbo?" 

"Like how he can Wilbur when he's not here. Not Ghostbur, but Wilbur. Or Dream. He really doesn't want anyone knowing about that. I should stop talking, it might make things worse." 

"Please, keep going, for me?" 

"Oh ok then. Well he sees them when he's too stressed. I try to help him by pretending I don't notice, he hates being noticed with those things. He also hates crying in front of me, so I go and find him instead, and act surprised about it. We just pretend that we aren't hurting and 'happen' to find each other and help fix it after that. It's easier then talking and risking things falling down around us. Around me, thing's don't go well when the world starts confusing people with the ground. But as long as I'm in the black the world can't get too messed up since I can't see it. It's just me who messes up. That's less scary. I can handle the room rearranging itself. That's funny, not terrifying like people getting mixed up. Seeing someone get mixed up with another person is far worse then the walls changing position."

"You know you can always talk to me, that sounds rather concerning."

"That's why I don't, I don't want people being concerned about me. I can do this myself. I just need time, and everything goes back to normal on its own. It's just fine." 

"Tubbo that's not good, you need help!"

"I don't want it! Everyone has problems here, and they deal with it just fine, so I can too!"

"Most of them didn't fight in four wars and rule over a nation that got exploded twice! Or be separated from their best friend, or be 17 years old while doing all of it! We're kids Tubbo, we _can't_ just shrug off all of this and pretend things are ok, just ignore the messed up things we went through." 

"Yes I can! I can and I will because if I don't I might not be able to come back and I'd be lost forever and Tommy would be hurt and you'd be hurt and it would all repeat itself and I would be helpless to stop it again and be useless like I always am!!" The room was gone, the colors had started violently clashing, fighting each other while he lost control of the image. Tears went down his cheeks, the cold contrasting the warmth he still felt. Ranboo hugged him tightly.

"You don't have to though, you can ask me, even if you can't tell Tommy about it, you can tell me. I can try and help however you need it. You can't hurt me that badly that I wouldn't stay and be there for you. I may have a bad memory, but I will not forget that we are friends. You forgave me after what I did, you didn't have to do that. Tubbo you aren't useless, you have done so much, and I can't even imagine how it felt. I only know what's happened to me, and sometimes not even that much. I do know that you have us, we're your family Tubbo. Me, Tommy, and Puffy. As long as I'm here I want to help you. You can trust me, I trust you." 

Ranboo held him as he broke down in tears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know what it is that Tubbo was doing with the room thing, if anyone has a word for it I can add it to the tw// warning. Sorry about no Sam, I've been trying to figure out this chapter for a week and finally got it. Please let me know if I miss-portray things! Stay safe kittes.


	9. I need you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy comes face to face with a past trauma.  
> WARNING. This is a very heavy chapter, please I love the support but if you have issues with this sort of thing please don't subject yourself, your mental health is more important then a good read.  
> tw// referenced hallucinations, panic, physical violence, breakdowns, flash backs, self hate, referenced violence, emotional hurt, derealization.

Tommy swept around the vault, singing a song he'd learned from Phil. "Daisy, daisy give me your answer, do~ I'm half crazy- all the for the love of you~" He hummed the tune as he finished the right wall, spinning to get to the left side. "It won't be a stylish marriage." He kicked a stray rock to the side. "I can't afford a carriage." Fran wagged her tail and chased after the rock. "But you look sweet~" He tossed the broom aside, picking Fran up and holding her up to his face. "Upon the seat," Fran panted, trying to lick him as he finished. "Of a bicycle built for two~~" Fran barked happily, enjoying the attention. Tommy grinned, starting the song over as he went back to cleaning up the floor.

He hummed the melody a few times, saying to Fran. "You know that's an old song Fran, it's got a weird 'one to it. Phil sang it to me sometimes, Techno was too proud to admit he liked it." Fran sat by his feet as he leaned against a chest, scratching her behind the ear he waved a hand over the space. "Too 'silly' or something. Don't tell anyone about this got it? You better not snitch on me Fran." 

Fran cocked her head to the side in confusion. "Knew you were a good girl 'oment I saw you." Tommy patted her head. Fran barked and pushed against his hand, sitting down on his lap. "Hey hey no need to get excited." He laughed, running his fingers through her fur. "I got plenty of time." The two sat in the vault enjoying the other's company for a while, the cool stone beneath him making him shiver after a bit. 

"Sorry girl, still got sweeping to do, this place is massive in't?" Fran wagged her tail in agreement. "Remember, my voice is just yours to hear, not Sam's." Tommy stood up, retrieving the broom and started his work again. Fran sat on the chest, waiting for him to finish so she could be adored more. He hummed the song a few times before he started to sing, though more quietly this time, in case Sam came in. It was refreshing, just doing something normal now and then. 

A knock on the outer wall made him pause. He listened, hearing it again. Sam was inside wasn't he? Maybe Ponk had stopped by and forgotten where the door was again. Tommy knocked back, leading the person on the other side to the correct doorway. No one who shouldn't knew where it was. Puffy must have come and wanted to ask Sam about something, she'd only been there once or twice so it made sense. Tommy spun the broom between his hands as he opened the door, not paying attention. He didn't enjoy being interrupted in the middle of his song. "Right Sam's somewhere in here I'll go get him for ya, just a seco-" Tommy glanced up at the guest, stopping dead.

The broom fell from his hands. "Tommy! How's it been?" Wilbur grinned, leaning on the doorframe. "Took me awhile to find you, Sam's pretty well hidden. So, where do you want to go first? I was thinking we stop by your house, get some things and head out on an adventure! Just the two of us!" 

Tommy froze staring at him, mind rushing through a million words he'd said in his mind to this man. "You- What?" He managed to choke out. 

"Well I figured now that you calmed down you'd be more excited to see me little brother, what's with that face?" He sounded cheerful, no not cheerful, but something close to it. He pointed at Tommy. "You look like I'm gonna kick your dog or something." Fran growled at him, pulling on Tommy's pant cuff. 

Tommy shut his eyes tightly, trying to keep from shaking. "Do the breath thing." he told himself, taking a deep breath. He didn't hold it, but instead let it out and repeated the action, opening and shutting his hand in time with the inhales. 

"What are you doing? Toms I said we were going to get some things and be on our way." Wilbur sounded more annoyed, making Tommy flinch. He didn't respond. Fran barked at him, rubbing her head against his leg. "Tommy, stop that we need to get going before your warden shows up." 

Tommy snapped his eyes open and took a step towards Wilbur. "He's not my 'arden he's my dad, you need to-" He stopped himself backing up and starting the breathing again. He ignored Wilbur, focusing on putting his words in the right order before shouting as loud as he could manage. "Sam! Sam I need you it happened again please come over I need you!" 

"No don't call for him! Tommy we're leaving come on." 

"Sam! I need help!" 

Wilbur sounded closer. "Tommy. We are going home. Come. On." 

Tommy swallowed, but tried to ignore it. "Dad! Please come here I need you, I need someone!" 

He could hear Fran's footsteps retreating into his house, barking for her master. "G-good girl..." 

Wilbur sounded angry, it was too close this was too much he needed someone anyone this was not ok it was not. Suddenly a pair of booted steps came from behind him. "Tommy! What's wrong Fran came to get me I..." He stopped. 

Tommy sighed in relief, eyes still closed as he leaned on the wall. "Dad! Dad I need you to tell him to leave it never works when I do it, he doesn't listen to me. Please I'm doing better I swear I am it's not supposed to happen like this I'm doing better-" 

Someone touched his arm. Tommy jumped, tripping over the broom. He cried out, hitting the floor hard. "Dad! I-I stop, stop don't I please I, I..." 

He could hear Wilbur taking a step towards them. "Toms what are you doing I'm not playing around here. We, are, leaving. Sam get out of the way, I'm taking my brother back home where he belongs. Not with you in this cave of a house." Tommy put his arm over his face, trying to keep the strike from connecting. It never came. 

"Tommy, can you move back a bit please? I don't want you to be stepped on by accident." Sam was using his calm voice, Tommy obeyed trying to get farther from his brother. "Thank you." 

"You have to do it, tell him to go or it just keeps going and I can't make it stop." Tommy felt Fran push against him. "Fran...hey girl..."

"Sam, move. I am not standing here waiting around for permission to take back my brother." Wilbur was loud, louder then he should have been. 

"Wilbur, you need to leave. This is not your house, and my son is not your property." 

"YOUR SON?!" He laughed, Tommy gripped Fran tighter at the sound. Too many memories, he needed to leave he needed to get out of here, this hurt him. "Is that some kind of joke? You meet the kid for the first time in your life just a few months back, help him build a little play place and suddenly he's "your son"? You have to be kidding he's _my_ brother Sam, and I am going to get him away from whatever it is you did to him! That's not Tommy down there that is a scared little child and whatever you've done it clearly made this worse for him." The edge in the words cut him like a sword. 

Tommy bit his tongue but couldn't keep the words back. "You made me worse! I-I just want to have a nor-normal day without, without you coming in and making everything hurt!" Tears started welling up in his eyes, still closed against the presence before him. "Sam, Dad please please make him go away please..." Fran whined from the pressure he was putting on her. He started and let go in fear at the noise, wrapping his arms around himself. "S-sorry, sorry...I...sorry." 

Sam tapped his trident against the ground. "Tommy, breathe, I'll handle this alright? No one is upset with you, Fran is ok." Tommy nodded, holding a sob back as he felt around for the dog. She sat down on his legs, pushing herself into his arms. "Wilbur, leave. Now. You are not welcome in this place, nor are you welcome anywhere near Tommy again." Sam's voice shook. "You can see what you've done! I have done nothing but try and undo all the actions you and others have inflicted onto him." 

"You treat him like a baby! He's not a little flower in your garden old man, he can handle himself!" Please don't hurt Dad please don't hurt him. "Tommy's not a child anymore! I served with him, he's just as capable as I am! You didn't see him fight he was a natural-" 

Something seemed to snap inside of Sam. "He IS a child! YOUR BROTHER IS 16 YEAR OLD! Just because everyone in this damn world thinks putting teenagers and children into wars is just fine, and that you can just treat people however you like doesn't change a thing! I treat him how he needs me to, and that's not as a soldier forced to fight for a country that BARELY EVEN CARED ABOUT HIM! Not as a fully grown adult, like you seem to." 

Tommy crawled back a bit farther. "S-Sam, he's right...I...I can...I can handle my-myself." 

"No Tommy. I know how hard to hear this must be but you can not do everything on your own, you may be capable, but you're not ready." Sam turned his attention back to Wilbur. "You will leave my sight, now." 

"The hell I will! What can you do, kill me again? I'll just come back." Wilbur laughed; it sounded crazed, Tommy scrambled away from it hands covering his ears. "Get out of my way Sam or I will force you to. You aren't stopping anyone." 

He couldn't open his eyes now, it would make this real if he did, as long as he kept everything out of his sight it could be imaginary, he could be safe. "G-go away Will, I want, I...I want to stay with-" He was ignored.

"Shut up Tommy I'm talking." Wilbur was too close! He wasn't supposed to be close he'd moved away from them! Sam started saying something but someone grabbed him by the arm and started pulling him. 

Tommy panicked clawing at the hand holding onto him. "Stop! I-Stop let go! I-I please Dream I'm sorry I-" Nails were digging into his arm. "Please please let go please stop Dad please please help help..." Sam was shouting the hand was forced to let go he hit the floor. "Please...I'm sorry I'm sorry just don't hurt me please..." Sam was gone Dream was dragging him away from Logstedshire the tnt was going off again his ears were blasted by the sound. He curled up, trying to protect himself from any more damage. 

"Oh now look he's crying this never happened before you showed up. Out of the way I need to fix what you've done." 

"What I've done!? You just never saw because he was trying to impress his _wonderful_ big brother! You will not get anywhere near him!" 

They were arguing again, why did he cause so much fighting wherever he went? He'd already started so many wars, so much violence because he couldn't keep from hurting everyone around him. It was his fault again. If he'd just stayed away like Dream had said none of this would have happened. They were shouting, he could hear the clash of metal. More bloodshed, why was he cursed with a trail of blood leading to him no matter where he tried to go? There was a cry, Sam? Fran growled near his head, her fur brushing his hands as it puffed out. She barked and he could hear her attacking. 

"F-Fran stop! No!" Tommy forced himself out of his protective ball and jumped, grabbing onto the wolf before she could get hurt too. "Fran stay, stay don't die too please don't leave yet please don't you'll get hurt, like everyone please please." He buried his face in her fur, sobbing as he hugged her tightly to his chest. The growl faded to a whimper as she curled into him. 

A voice came from above him. "Tommy...?" Wilbur, he wasn't angry with him anymore? What had changed? 

"Don't- Don't hurt her...I'll go I'll go please don't hurt Fran please, she doesn't- she...She didn't do anything wrong- I please don't hurt her." Tommy couldn't tell where he was anymore. "I can do it-I I can take it- she's not, don't kill her- don't- Sam! Don't- please don't kill Sam please I'll go I'll go with you wherever you need me to Dream I promise just don't hurt him, I promise I won't do anything else I promise please don't hurt them anymore!" 

Fran nudged his face with hers. "Tommy... I'm not going to hurt her, what's wrong with you...?" Wilbur sounded so concerned. He felt dizzy what was going on? He cracked open one eye, begging not to see the prison or a crater again. His brother was inches away from him, looking at him with an expression he couldn't understand. "Toms what do you mean it's just me." There was a sort of pleading undertone to the words, like he was trying to convince himself too. "It's just me, Wilby! I came to bring you home, and, and be a family why is this so hard for you?" Tommy couldn't get himself away, the wall was stopping him. He silently signaled Fran to go hide. She wined but obeyed.

Wilbur's eyes had so much in them, it hurt him to look at them. They seemed to curl inside themselves constantly changing, shifting, faded into a dull brown that still had a fire burning him from the inside. All he could see in those eyes was a pit he had been trying to keep from going back to for almost a year. It had pulled him in too many times, what was in there that did this to him? Tommy covered his face, forcing them to break contact. "St-stay back Wilbur." He whispered. "Please?" 

His hands were ripped from his eyes, making him cry out in pain. "Why are you acting like I'm some kind of monster? I just want to see my baby brother again! Remember? You and me just spending time together. We never got to do that when we were fighting, why can't we do it now?" He sounded crazed, the false cheerfulness cracking and leaving the painful voice he'd heard too often. Tommy pulled against the grip weakly. "Come on, we don't need Sam, we don't need Technoblade or Nikki or Phil or anybody! We were just fine you and me! Dream's gone now! You're safe, I'm here now I can protect you now we can go alone and be a family, right?" 

Tommy looked up at him, tears still streaming down his face. "I-I just want- want..." He wanted Wilbur to let go of him, he wanted Sam to carry him away from his brother and tell him that it was all a hallucination, he wanted Tubbo to hug him because he was seeing things again. He wanted Phil to hold him and tell him it was all a bad dream and assure him that he was still home. That Wilbur never went to start a nation, that there was no such thing as L'manburg, and where had he even gotten that name? That he wasn't allowed to read the books Techno gave him for a few more years because it was giving him nightmares. That Wilbur would come in and ask why his little brother was crying and play a song to help him fall asleep again. He wanted his big brother to hug him and tell him everything was ok, Dream wasn't real, they were still back in the Artic Empire and the scary noises were just Technoblade practicing. More then anything he wanted to believe none of this was real, and he just had to close his eyes and go back to his safe place and everything would be just fine. He wanted his older brother.

"Why are you so afraid of me? You were just fine before, you helped me write the anthem! I heard you singing we can write more songs! You used to sing all the time, and Technoblade would get jealous because he wasn't as good and you would be smiling all the time and you'd be proud of me! Dad would come in and tell us we needed to quiet down because the shouting was shaking the house. We were Wilbur and TommyInnit! The greatest duo in history, you're Hamilton remember? I was Washington we made a team!" His wrists hurt, they burned with the pressure Wilbur was putting on them. He was terrifying, a presence that made Tommy's head ache just with the thought of him. Wilbur was smiling desperately at him to agree. To say he was right and to laugh about the past. 

He wished he could talk to his brother. "A-aim for the sky this time Burr." But it wasn't his brother, it was Wilbur Soot, the revolutionary. The brave president of L'manburg, the leader of the rebellion, the great legend who hurt him more then anyone else. This wasn't the big brother he loved, it was a hollow shell of a man who needed someone to play in his story. 

Wilbur stared at him, expression dead. He let go of Tommy, seeming frozen where he knelt. Tommy scrambled away from him, eyes still locked on the man. The air was silent, heavy. It seemed like an eternity the two watched each other. Tommy breathed, holding his wrists and rubbing the finger shaped red marks on them. He could barely feel his fingers as he tried to stop the pain. Wilbur blinked, looking him over. For a second Tommy thought he could see his eyes clearing, the old brightness seeing him for the first time in so long. 

"Toms...It's me..." The clarity was gone, replaced by a mania that made him shudder. Tommy flinched, unable to look away to see where he could go. "Just me...Remember? It's me, Wilbur...You loved me, we were a team...I loved you too we were brothers we fought together...The battles you led, mine, you were incredible. I was proud of you, you and me were unstoppable..." He muttered to himself, a broken smile crossing his face. "It's just the time apart...I can fix this...I can be a good brother...I'm a good brother...It's not my fault..." 

Tommy closed his eyes, bracing himself. "Wilbur I-" The impact hit him before he had time to open his eyes again. He reeled, staring up at Wilbur. 

"You just need come with me and everything will be alright again! No Sam, no anyone! You just need to listen and everything goes back to normal like it should, everything will be fine, you'll be fine, whatever happened we can forget and move on from!" Dream was standing over him, blood on his fist. Sam was coming back for him before anything would happen right? He had before, he was just coming across the bridge and he'd carry him out and take him home. "Just listen to me and everything will be ok! That's all that needs to happen, just like before, just like before you turned into whatever this is." 

~~"You just need to learn how to listen more, that's all." "Oh come on Tommy, it's me! Your best friend!" "In the hole Tommy, or I'm gonna kill Tubbo."~~ ~~"It's just like exile!"~~

Tommy shut his eyes, holding his head as his brother fell apart, laughing and crying in front of him. He just needed to wait, the bleeding would stop, the pain would stop, no one would be mad anymore! He'd be ok, just wait, just wait. He couldn't get into his safe place, it wasn't letting him in, he couldn't get away. "I'm sorry." He pleaded with whoever was with him now, whoever it was it didn't matter. He had to stop the pain from getting worse. "I'm sorry, I promise not to do it anymore, ok? I'll stop, you don't need to hit me." 

"...Oh Tommy." Wilbur pulled him into his arms. Tommy winced, he didn't have the energy to fight anymore. "Tommy, my baby brother I'm sorry I promise everything will be ok now, just you wait. I'll get us out of here, you'll be safe now, I'm here." Tommy didn't respond, letting his brother hold him. He'd already run out of tears. "I'm here now, Wilbur is here to help, I didn't mean to do anything I promise I love you, you know that I do." 

"Wilbur loved me." Tommy whispered. "Not you." If he heard he didn't respond. 

"Everything will be ok now, I got you now. No one can ever get to us again." Tommy tried not to accept it as Wilbur ran hand through his hair. He shivered. 

A voice cut through the air. "WILBUR LET GO OF MY SON THIS INSTANT OR I WILL CUT YOUR HEAD OFF YOUR BODY!" Sam?

Tommy felt himself hit the floor softly, unable to register the impact. Dad was here? When? He watched him stand clutching his side. Tommy could see blood. "Back away, get away from us, I'm not letting you get near him anymore Sam. You did this, you made this happen not me, it's your fault." 

Sam stabbed Wilbur in the foot with his trident. Wilbur screamed and dropped to the floor, holding his foot and cursing loudly. "Tommy, can you hear me? Did he do anything to you, are you able to answer?" Sam didn't touch him, expression more worried then he'd ever seen it before. "I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him, he knocked me out with a potion I couldn't help you until it wore off." His blood was staining the floor. That wasn't how it was meant to happen, Tommy was the one bleeding, that was how it went. "Tommy?" 

"Dad...tell me it's not real? Lie to me and say he's not real..." 

"Tommy! Tommy you can hear me thank prime did he hurt you?" 

"Say I made it up...please?" 

"Can I touch you and check to see if he hurt you?" Tommy grabbed his arm and clung to it, someone who hadn't hurt him, who wanted him. He felt a hand on his back, he let it stay there, eyes closing. Sam looked him over while he held tightly to him. "Tommy, your face I'm so so sorry I failed, I failed again. I couldn't stop Wilbur, I can't stop anyone! I'm so sorry please forgive me I failed you again. He's right I can't save people I just end up making it worse." Sam started crying, looking at his son. 

Tommy opened an eye in confusion. "You saved me...What do you mean Dad...?" He glanced at his brother, who had passed out. "I made it all up...It's just... a hallucination, like before...It wasn't real. I'm ok now, right?" 

"...I'm here, I'll keep him away from you, please, I-" 

"I wake up at home, you walk in and I tell you the dream. I hug you, you help, I play with my friends. No one is angry or hurt anymore. I just make up the problems and fix them..." Tommy smiled, the room blurry. "No one gets hurt or cries because of the pretend games. We play war and no one is hurt. It didn't happen, just like _he_ said. I can just play a new game if you want..." 

Sam held him tightly, shaking. "Tommy listen to me, I'm here, you're not alone. I'll figure out what to do with Wilbur and he'll never get to you. I'll do something, put him the prison and make sure he doesn't get out." 

"Why? I'll make up a new game, this time Dream and Wilbur can be the good guys ok? Can we play that one please? I like that idea...They could be my friends, and your friends too Dad, we'll pick new bad guys..." Tommy trailed off, his safe place finally letting him inside. 

"Tommy? Tommy! Hold on I-" His voice faded away as he sunk down into the colorless world, leaving the confusion back where he didn't want to be anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...But you look sweet, upon the seat of a bicycle built for two~


	10. Melodies swirling.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Songs never seem to be remembered correctly do they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I adore this song, which is why I used it in the story, but there's just this essence to it, it could be so sad if you played it right. Lyrics used here are made by me, well after the original song of course. You can use them if you credit me. For explanation this song is playing in Tommy's head over and over. And...Well if you've read the lyrics you might be able to see what I was meaning. (I found more lyric lines to play with, so here's the structure.)  
> The song repeats a few times, getting more and more changed, beginning with the original lyrics and transitioning as it goes. (Try to guess who is meant to sing each set to who if you like!) Sorry if it's inconsistent I wrote this at 1:30 in morning and I couldn't stop myself. Also out of order but once you hear the song with all the lyrics you have the tunes for these in your head.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed these! I love this song, and I hope you do too. (if this is too out of character with the story I can delete it and put it in a separate work that I can link here if you want. Hope this isn't too weird.)

Daisy, daisy give your answer, do~

I'm half crazy, all for the love of you~

It won't be a stylish marriage,

I can't afford a carriage~

But you look sweet-

upon the seat-

of a bicycle built for two. 

Daisy, daisy give me your answer do~

I'm so crazy, crazy in love with you~

It isn't the brightest cottage,

But I don't have too much baggage~

Oh you would be-

upon this seat-

such a beautiful girl to me.

Daisy daisy, won't you answer too?

I am losing, losing my mind over you~

Oh please don't become discouraged,

I'm sure it can be managed,

Just you and me-

Please don't flee-

Together we can get through.

Daisy, daisy oh can't you answer, please? 

I've gone crazy, crazy with worry you see~

It isn't the worst of fears,

but I wish you would warn me dear.

But hold on tight-

Promise I won't bite-

Just stay right here, here close to me~

There is a flower within my heart,

Daisy, daisy!

planted one day by a glancing dart,

Planted by Daisy bell!~

There are vines growing deep inside,

Daisy, daisy!

Planted one day by an arrow to my heart,

Planted by Daisy bell!~

Lights go shining above my head,

Daisy, daisy!

calling to me to come away far, 

Calling away from Daisy bell!~

Voices planted in my mind,

Daisy, daisy!

saying things again from that day,

Things said by Daisy bell!~

Whether she loves me, or loves me not,

Sometimes it's hard to tell!

Yet I am longing to share the lot

Of beautiful daisy bell!~

Whether they love me or love me not,

It's really much too hard to tell!

Yet I am longing to return to touch,

Of familiar Daisy bell!~

Whether this is real or if it's not,

I really don't care to tell!

I only long to remain here a lot,

Safe from Daisy bell!~

When the road's dark we can both despise,

policemen and lamps as well~

There are bright lights in the dazzling eyes,

Of beautiful Daisy bell!~

When the path's dark we can both sigh,

about our failures as well~

It will be fine since I have your hand,

Wonderful Daisy bell!~

When this beach is dark you'll be here beside,

visitors and torches as well~

Assuring me of your inner light,

If you say so Daisy bell.~

I will stand by you in wheel or woe,  
  
Daisy, daisy!~  
  
You'll be the bell which I'll ring you know,  
  
Sweet little Daisy bell!

I will stand by you in war and woe,

Daisy, daisy!~

You'll be the anchor I depend on you know,

Sweet little Daisy bell!~

I stood by you in pain among foes,

Daisy, daisy!~

You could have tried a bit harder you know,

Twisted mind Daisy bell...~

You'll take the lead in each trip we take,  
  
Then if I don't do well?~  
  
I will permit you to use the brake  
  
My beautiful Daisy Bell!~

You'll take the lead each trip we take,

Then if you do very well?~

Then I will permit you to keep your things, 

My good little Daisy bell!~

I would follow behind each trip he took,

Trying to hold on as well.~

But it gets harder every-day, 

Just so tired Daisy bell...~

Daisy daisy, get me hope please do?~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I added 10,000 words into the last chapter, so yeah I needed a break to sing sweet robot love song... and then turn it into very sad, kinda dark lack of love song.


	11. Oh Tommy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy sank deeper then he had in a very long time.  
> Comfort methods! assurance, confronting issues, introspection.

Tommy? "Clementine?" Hey buddy, welcome back. "Clem! Where have you been I missed you!" I've been here, just like I said before. It's sad to see you though. "Why?" Because you can't stay here, we know that. "I can stay for now though, right?" Of course you can Tommy. Things must hurt right now don't they. "Yeah, I don't think I want to go back Clem, I like it here." I know Tommy, but you still have things to do, people to meet. You have a whole life to live still. You can't spend it hiding here with me. "What life do I really have? I've already lived it all." You're a baby Tommy, you haven't seen anything yet. You just have to keep going, you have so many years of life ahead of you. "All I can think of is more fighting. I hate fighting." I know. "Can't I just stay here and let everyone live their lives?" You have Sam and Tubbo still don't you?

"I do, but I think I'm hurting Sam too. He kept talking about failing me. I don't get it." He wants you to be safe, and since you aren't he feels like it was his fault. "But it wasn't!" People aren't rational Tommy, they don't think about things that way. It doesn't matter if it was his fault or not, he thinks it is. It hurts him because he cares about you. "I don't want to hurt him, if he didn't care he'd be fine." That's not what I meant Tommy, it isn't that sort of hurting. It's love. "I thought love was the opposite of hurting." Love can hurt, but it should be the sort of hurt that makes you want to help, not the kind that makes you shut down. You shouldn't bleed because of love from someone, you should want to keep them from being hurt, and they want you safe just as much. "That makes no sense." 

You're young still, it isn't easy to understand emotions, and I'm not good at explaining them. No one is. "Can we talk about something else please? Or, not talk?" 

Sure Tommy, we can sit here together. Remember I'll still be around once you go back, just not like this. "I feel less alone with you here. Why can't you do this out there?" Because I'm not a person, I'm part of you Tommy, I can't talk in real life. "That's dumb, you should be able to talk if you want, freedom of speech right?" That's not how it works. "Well it should." Sorry, but you can pretend I'm there if you like. "You can be the moth again." I'll be a moth if you want Tommy. "Yes, I do want you to be a moth." Then that's what I am. "Cool! Can you fly around?" Do you want to ride me around for awhile until it's time to go? "If that's ok with you..." Of course it is Tommy, hop on.

***

You're getting pulled back. "But up there is awful memories! I had to go through them to get here if I go back I have to see it all again!" I know, I know. "It's too painful, I won't leave!" You have to, you were never supposed to end up here in first place. "Does that mean I might never see you again?" Hopefully you won't have to Tommy. "But I want to see you! You help me make things make sense. It's too confusing alone!" I know, but Sam can help you can't he? "He doesn't get it, no one does." He can try. They can try Tommy. "But you don't have to try! I can ask you and you explain everything for me." I am you, just distanced from everything else. "I want to be distanced from everything else! You're happy, I can be like you and be happy right?" I'm not happy Tommy.

"What do you mean?" I'm removed from emotions. I'm the part of you that can't feel. "Then I don't want to feel things anymore. You're perfect, I can do that too and things won't hurt me anymore." I'm not perfect, you just see me that way. Tommy emotions are what make you human. "Then I want to be something else." Who will watch over Tubbo if you don't care anymore? "I would care!" Not if you didn't feel anymore. That's why you shouldn't try to be me. I don't care Tommy. I'm here because you need me. "You don't care about me?" If I could I'd say I did. "That hurts..." It isn't out of hate, just inability. I can't care, just observe and process. "You're like a robot." Like a robot. Robots don't comfort their friends and protect them from dangers. They just do what's needed of them. "I guess that wouldn't be very fun would it." No, it wouldn't. "But, but it's better then people hurting me even more isn't it?" 

Think about it like this. Remember what Dream said? "I don't want to, I don't want to think about anything that man said." He said that attachment is weakness. Well, he was partially right. "Stop that, no agreeing with Dream." I don't agree, but what I mean is this. You care about your family don't you? "Yes, what does that have to do with Dream?" If something happens to them, it hurts you doesn't it? "Of course it does! My family and friends would be in danger!" And you would try to stop whatever was causing them distress wouldn't you? "I'm not a psychopath how could I not?" Even if it meant you might get hurt too? "Yes! What's the point of this?" That's why you need emotions. If you didn't care, why would you stop the thing hurting other people? It isn't hurting you is it? "But it is hurting me! My family is in pain." Do you see what I mean? That's empathy, attachment. "No I don't see, you're confusing me."

Because you care, you're attached to others, you're willing to get hurt for them right? "I guess so." Now if you didn't care, you wouldn't be able to be put in danger like that. "Exactly that's why I want to be like you!" But if you didn't care, would anyone come to save you? "What?" Well if you had no connections to anyone, why would they come to save you? Attachment isn't weakness, it's assurance. Yes, because you care, you will get hurt. People can use your emotions to hurt you and manipulate you. You'll get hurt plenty of times. But because of that attachment, that connection others will come to help you. "I..." Connection and love go both ways. Because you're willing to get in harms way for someone else, they should be willing for the same. That's love Tommy, being willing to get hurt because you know, for sure that the person you love would do the same for you. That's why it's good to feel things. "Like me and Tubbo?" Like you and Tubbo, you were willing to give up something that meant a lot to you. But it was for someone you loved. "I don't love Tubbo that's weird." There's more then one kind of love Tommy, you love him in a connection, just like how you love Wilbur and Sam. You're family. "I don't think I can love Wilbur anymore." 

But you can love your family, the ones who care about you. "Sam cares, and Tubbo cares right?" They care just as much as you do about them. Would Tubbo abandon you if you got hurt? "No! I...I don't think so anyway." And would you leave him if he was hurt? "Never!" Do you understand now?

"I think so. Thank you Clementine." Anytime Tommy, are you ready to go? "No, no I'm not, not at all." 

But are you willing to go? 

"...Yes." 

_ Goodbye Tommy, you'll get through this, I believe in you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this is going to get painful.


	12. Question for you.

Ok, listen everyone. Now I had planned for this chapter to be Tommy remembering the events of his time trapped in prison with Dream. However as I thought it over I realized to do this, I'd have to include a very, very bloody scene. In canon he was beaten to death with Dreams hands. Although he wouldn't have died in this fic, it would be extremely violent, and bloody. This would be the breaking point for him. If I was to try my best to accurately portray this, it would be extremely hurtful if I misstep with it. I need to know if you would rather I move away from this topic, and simply reference it as I have earlier. It would be the very clear, explicit abuse of a minor, and I really would rather not include it if it would make others uncomfortable. My goal is not to shock with gore, (though no shade to those who write gore horror, respect you.). I want to write a story about children/teens learning to move on from the horrors they faced. So I need to ask you this. Would you rather I skip past that into Sam pulling him out of the prison, and trying to keep him alive with help. I want an honest answer from all of you. I won't shy away from heavy topics, (obviously) but I think it would be better to move past it. In its place, I can supply these things. I'll probably write them anyway but as a replacement, move past to Tommy and Sam interacting, Tubbo and Ranboo together in therapy, another chapter with current Dream, or a short chapter from the perspective of Ghostbur. I want to portray what I set out to the proper way, but if my audience has found this, and share in theses issues, I think the outright physical abuse would do more harm then any good. I care about you guys. I'll come back here tomorrow and probably update then.


	13. Beginning the journey back.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories force their way back to the surface. You can't completely forget about things, you need to face them, in some way. (each memory will be separated by this **)  
> This chapter will be split into two parts. This part is a series of memories. The next part is the prison scene, as well as more memories.  
> tw// emotional manipulation, burns, emotional abuse, unhealthy relationships, abuse of power, abuse of familial connection, manipulation, self hate, implied self harm.

Goodbye Tommy, I'll see you on the other side _._

"Tommy, don't worry I'm right here, I know, don't speak." Dream had his arms around him, running his hands through his hair. "I'll help you, I know your leg hurts. Just stay here, you can have some of my food." He purred, holding the crying boy close to him. 

He couldn't see very well with the tears blurring everything together. "D-Dream I'm, I- 'm sorry...s'rry, -hurts- are you m'd at me?" He should've just listened, why had he even argued in the first place? It was his fault the lava had burned so deeply into him. Dream was right, he couldn't do anything right without someone to help him. 

Dream put a hand to his mouth. "Shh, don't speak Tommy. I am not angry with you. You made a mistake, you make those quite a lot don't you?" He did, he had tripped up so many times without someone there to stop him. Dream stopped him from going too far. He nodded, leaning into Dream, who hugged him closer, careful to keep the agonizing burns on his leg in the water. "Just sleep for now. I'll wake you up to eat when you're a bit more stable. Forget our silly fight, it really didn't matter in the first place. We came to an agreement didn't we?" Another nod, it wasn't important anymore. Dream had him now, it was going to be ok, everything hurt so badly. Everything hurt worse then they had in so long. His fingers dug into Dream's back. "Don't worry, I'm right here." 

******

It was so cold, Wilbur hadn't lit the fire yet when he got back. "Will! Where are you it's freezing down here!" Tommy was climbing down the passageway down into their new home. Pogtopia, it was looking a bit better with the chests and lights around. "Will?" 

"You'll be ok, it's fine...It's... don't focus on it you're just fine everything's fine!" He could hear his brother's voice coming from a room they'd hollowed out of the ravines sides. 

"Bro? Hey what's going on you didn't start the fire, aren't you-" Tommy stared.

Wilbur was surrounded by fuses, he'd tied them to his fingers, wrapped them around his arms. Explosives littered the ground, some finished, others still being built. He looked worse then he had in weeks. "Tommy! Come in come in look I've finished about half the tnt! I got a bit distracted, you know there's just so much here not sure what do with it all." He gestured to the mess scattered across the floor, rambling about how he'd found the fuses. Tommy gagged at how blue his fingers had gotten. Why wasn't he wearing his coat?

Tommy felt himself recoil at the sight of him. He forced himself to steady, counting up to five before he actually spoke. "Wilbur, you look like someone ran you over with a minecart. What is all this, why do you even have all of this!?" 

"Dream. He stopped by to give this to me, should be around here somewhere. We're going to do it little brother! They'll never expect it." Wilbur grinned, holding up a stick of tnt in the hand that wasn't seemingly tied closed.

"What do you mean, who won't expect it? Wilbur you're not making sense." Tommy avoided stepping on the explosives, crouching down beside him. "Why do you have all of this?" He repeated the question, carefully untying the fuses from his brothers arms. They had left marks from how tight they were. He winced. 

Wilbur didn't seem to notice he'd moved. "L'manburg, it's all going up in smoke Toms! They'll regret what they did to us, you'll be able to go wherever you want once we get rid of our problems." He started laughing, eyes wide with excitement. "We're going to blow it up Tommy. Everything, it'll all be gone!" 

The words made him stop dead. Tommy stumbled back, hitting the wall. "WHAT!? Have you lost your mind-we can't- it would kill, it would kill everyone! What about-" He was cut off. 

"That's their problem, we left, we're gone from that place now. I built it, I'll destroy it if I choose." He sounded sure, too sure. He turned to Tommy, eyes reflecting the dim torches around them. The fire danced in his eyes, swirling into a haze. "We're free now, no leading, no ruling over a nation. I led that place the best I could and this is how they repaid me. My L'manburg died when my-" He choked, the laugh mixing with a cough. "When my _son_ tore down the walls. Fundy..." He trailed off, the haze getting thicker. "My son, I did this for you..." 

Tommy inched forwards, wary of his sudden calmness. "Wilbur? Wilbur you're acting crazy stop it, Fundy lives there too." He tried to reason with his older brother, pulling the tnt out of his hand slowly. "Come on, you can't blow up our home, what about Nikki? Or Ponk, Karl!" He raced to to think of more people to list. "What about Jack, what about...What about, about Tubbo!" Wilbur glanced at him, lost in the haze his eyes were filling with. "What-what about Fundy? You can't blow up your kid, you're not heartless right? You wouldn't just abandon him, he's only 14!" Tommy smiled, grabbing his hand without thinking. "He's not lost yet, come on we can still save our home right? You don't have to hurt them I'm sure we can work this out-" The force of the blow stopped any words he could have had.

Tommy stared at him eyes wide, hand to his face. "Wi-Will?" 

Wilbur looked at him blinded. "He betrayed me, Fundy is dead to me Toms." The venom in his voice was terrifying. "It's just us now, just us...You and me..." He panted, the clouds fading slightly from his eyes. "Hey, come here." His voice had gone soft again, the sound making him dizzy at the whiplash of emotions. He reached for Tommy, shoving the scattered explosives out of the way. 

Tommy blinked, swallowing thickly as he felt the sting fade to an ache. "You-you're scaring me." He tried to keep the waver out of his voice but he couldn't quite keep it level. He pushed himself a bit farther away from his brother. 

"Look I'm sorry I snapped at you, lets just move on, you can help me with these can't you?" Wilbur smiled kindly, ignoring the attempt to move away. "I didn't mean to scare you, it's nothing, come here. We're still family, you know I love you don't you?" He sat beside Tommy, putting an arm around him without waiting for an answer. Tommy was in shock. ~~Did he just hit me?~~ The light flickered around them, making everything feel unreal. Had that actually happened?

"Tommy? You're ok now right?" Wilbur pulled him into his arms, rubbing his back. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't mean it, people get angry is all." ~~He hit me. He hit me he hit me he hit me he-~~

"I..." In the doorway he thought he saw Dream. Wilbur was blocking his line of sight though, so he couldn't be sure. His brother ran a hand through his hair, assuring him that he wasn't at fault. "I, I know. I...Yeah it's fine. Don't, don't do that please?" He felt the warmth of the embrace. _It was so cold_. Tommy hugged Wilbur back, refusing to let the tears fall while he could see. "I love you..." He felt the smile without seeing it. The fuses on Wilbur's fingers dug into his back, he could feel the indents still on his arms through the fabric of his shirt. He hugged his brother tighter. "I-I love you too."

*****

A tight grip on his shoulder snapped him out of his thoughts. Dream was standing behind him, looking over the sea. "No hello?" 

Tommy blinked, scrambling to get the armor off as he smiled. "Sorry-sorry just distracted it's fine, here-here Hi Dream!" He forced his voice to be cheerful. "Any plans for today?" Please say yes, please he was losing his mind in the silence. 

The mask kept him from seeing what Dream was thinking. "Good job remembering!" He tossed the armor into a hole causally, a lit stick of tnt following. The boom still made Tommy flinch. he hoped Dream hadn't noticed. "Well I actually did have an idea. Have you ever used a trident before?" He held up a sparkling weapon, the enchantments casting a purple glow over the sand. It was mesmerizing how the lights shifted on it. Tommy shook himself, trying not to rip it out of Dream's hand to get a better look. He'd never seen one this close up before. It was beautiful. His hands twitched. 

Dream put a hand out to stop him. "We ask first." He chided.

"Sorry! Can I please hold that? I mean it's just-it looks so cool I just, can I, please?" Tommy stuttered, unable to pull his attention away from the glittering item. It was like it was begging him to take it and hide it away where he could keep it forever. 

"Yes Tommy, you can hold this. Thank you for asking." Dream held out the trident, but it was out of his hands before he'd even finished uncurling his fingers around the handle. "Eager to see it?" There was a smile in his voice. 

Tommy didn't answer, running a hand over the point. It was sharp, you could bring down just about anything if you hit something right with it. He ignored the small cut he'd gotten on his finger from it. He didn't notice the little ones anymore. It was so different from anything he'd seen in a long time. It reminded him of watching Technoblade fly around with one, he had been so graceful, like he'd been the one with wings instead of Phil. It had been like watching a dancer, but the dancing was above him. "N-no, I mean yes, yeah...You, you don't want it back do you?" Tommy hoped the answer was no. This was so amazing, he could feel the enchantments vibrating inside him. He felt stronger then he had all week. 

Dream paused, mask turning to better face him. He seemed to think something over. "Well I was going to use it get home, but I suppose if you really want to play with it for a bit, I could stay here. Supervise you and all?" 

"Yes! Yes yes thank you!! Does this mean- can I- please Dream can I-" Tommy beamed, gripping the handle tightly. "Can I fly?" He was almost vibrating with excitement, eyes brighter then they had been in weeks. "Please?" 

"Well, I don't see a reason to say no, why not?" He stopped himself, gripping Tommy's shoulder again. "As long as you aren't going to try and fly back to Tubbo and everyone else who left you here alone. You wouldn't do that would you?" The question felt more like a threat. Tommy's hands shook violently, though not from the grip on him.

He shook his head quickly. "No no of course not! I won't I promise please don't take it, I won't go back, really just let me try it please Dream please?" He looked around the empty beach, he needed something, anything. He needed this, he couldn't risk losing the trident so soon. "I won't try to leave you, promise." 

"Good! Then of course you can fly with it. Here give it to me for a second I'll show you how to use it." Dream was happy again, good. He didn't think he could make it through another angry outburst like yesterday without falling apart. He didn't want to do that.

Tommy reluctantly gave him the trident. he tried to assure himself Dream would give it back. He wanted it so badly, it said freedom. Freedom to fly. He wanted to fly so, so much. It made his chest hurt. "O-ok, so how do you use it?" He stood next to Dream. 

Dream paused. "Alright, now you hold tight to the hilt got it? If you slip in the air there's no stopping the fall. Now some people ride it like a broomstick. Don't, it just leads to a lot of pain, also you lose control over the direction." He kept talking, describing different ways people flew with tridents. He sounded like a different person, full of energy. Tommy nodded along, grinning at the unusual behavior. He must have been in a good mood today. It was nice, he must have done something right. 

"Got it! Can I try now?" Tommy looked at him, hopeful. Dream nodded and put the trident into his hands. "Thanks!!" 

Tommy knelt in the water, bracing himself for the sudden change in velocity. Gripping the trident he aimed for the sky. A soft rain had started to pour down on them. He knew what that meant. Taking a deep breath he charged the weapon. 

It hummed with power, the magic flowing through his fingers into him. His hands steadied, focus returning. He felt like he could do anything, with another breath he let the charge out. Suddenly he was flying through the air, higher then he'd ever been before. He felt himself start falling, charging the trident again. He was tossed back up into the sky. The wind was rushing past him, water soaking him through. He was flying! 

It felt like someone had removed the weight holding him down for so long, he was free. He shouted with pure joy, almost letting go completely to stretch out his arms. He wasn't tied down anymore. The power thrummed inside his chest, pushing him farther. He whooped, going even higher. He broke through the clouds. Night had fallen, the stars were surrounding him. They cheered him on, calling; 

' _Higher! Come on Tommy we're waiting for you! You're almost there just a bit farther we're ready for you! You're free, you don't have to stay there anymore, come on! Hurry just a bit closer! You're free, you're free Tommy!_ '

"I know! I know I'm free I'm coming just a second!" He shouted, tears from the high speeds falling far below him. He was being carried by his father, holding him tightly as he flew over the ocean, Phil wouldn't let go. He was safe. Everything was alright now. He was free to fly with the stars. He'd never have to worry about anything ever again. "Hold on I'm almost there everyone!" He called back joyfully. He was finally free. The moon shone before him, the light bathing him in its glow. 

' _Just a bit higher! You're almost here can you see me?_ ' Was the moon the one calling him? Had she been the one comforting him all these months?

"I can! I can I knew you cared about me I'm coming!" He yelled, charging the trident more fully then he had before. The power surged through him, crackling around him. Lightning was sparking from his body, the electric energy sending him soaring up, up into freedom. He grinned as widely as he could. The arc of the shot hit its peak. He was in freefall for a second. He was weightless, no he was being held by his comforter. The light had become solid, catching him. He was finally safe. No more explosions, no more violence. No more blood. He couldn't hurt anyone ever again. 

' _I got you Tommy, you're free._ ' The song he'd heard a hundred times played through his head. It filled his mind, reassuring him that had was safe. He felt empty save for the music that echoed all around him, a good kind of empty. The world went black as he closed his eyes, content to fall into the arms of the moon. The wind whipped past him, but he didn't care. "Thank you, I love you Clara." He whispered to the moon. ' _I love you more then the water below and skies around us._ ' Everything was finally ok. He felt the embrace, it felt so good, he missed it. He missed being hugged without fearing for his life. Without trying to stop someone from hurting him further. For once he was sure this embrace didn't have anything attached. No strings to bind him, choke him. It was just as freeing as the flight. More freeing, his emotions were free too. He was starving for it, he needed someone to reassure him he was ok. He needed someone to care. He was desperate for anything, even Dream's touch felt amazing compared to the emptiness he felt inside. He was content to take whatever was given if it meant someone would just take his hand. Anything, just don't leave him alone with his thoughts. Any kind of touch, he just needed to know the person talking to him was real at all. His hallucinations didn't touch him. 

' _Just hold on, you're almost free._ ' He knew she wouldn't hurt him. Tommy was safe. He thought he was going to fall asleep in her arms. The world spun under him, he could feel it in the air rushing by his head as he drifted. Everything felt like it was covered in a warmth he hadn't experienced in years. He could relax, he wasn't needed to make a decision, or fight in a war. He didn't even need to hide his feelings. There was more peace inside of him then he had ever felt before. 

"Tha-" Darkness. Everything stopped.

Someone was yelling. "Tommy!-up-Don't die-I sti-wake..." It didn't make any sense. Where was Clara? "Tommy! Wake up you can't die yet I still need you!" Who was that? Clara? Where had she gone? "Tommy!" Dream? 

Everything felt dead around him, like he'd been struck out of her arms into a nightmare. This had to be a nightmare he was free! "D..." He could talk, sort of. Something was holding him down. "...Dream?" 

"Prime Tommy what the hell were you thinking going that high up you could have killed yourself like that!" Too many words, they were falling around him instead of going into his head. "Never do that again hear me!? You almost died hitting the water if I hadn't been watching for you to come back out of the clouds you'd have shattered to pieces on impact! Tommy are listening to me?" 

He needed to stop talking so Tommy could find Clara. She must have gotten hurt in the crash! "C-Cla..." He coughed, why wasn't the thing letting go of him? He couldn't move. "Wh...can't..." 

"What were you even doing? You didn't even try to slow the fall did you want to die or something?" It was dark because he hadn't opened his eyes yet. Why couldn't he get them to open? "You were so careless! You gave me a heart attack!" Had he hurt Dream somehow? That wasn't good. "Tommy?" 

Tommy breathed, "Can't feel anything." He couldn't see anything either. 

"I gave you some potions, if you weren't full of magic right now you'd probably die of shock. I swear Tommy this is why you need me. What were you thinking?" 

He hadn't been thinking, he'd been free. "I...Clara was taking me home." She had to have been ripped away from him by whatever had hurt him. "Where, where is she? Is she hurt? She'd never have let go if something didn't pull us apart."

"Who the, what, who's Clara? You're delirious I need to get you inside. Should have checked for a fever, you're obviously sick talking like that. Altitude maybe, or lack of air that far up. You'll need me to stay here for a few days won't you." Dream rambled on, he didn't do that much anymore. 

"I think so? Can you find her for me? I need her, she must be hurt too." Tommy felt heavy, his mind was slow, he felt like he was floating. Was he still in the sky? Something was put to his mouth. 

"Drink this, you need to sleep. I'll figure out what to do with you in a few hours." Dream was carrying him. He wished distantly that he could feel it. "It's a...this is a game we can play, Simon says. Simon says drink the potion."

"Ok Dream..." He swallowed the liquid, it felt nice. He giggled tiredly at the odd sensation spreading through his body, he felt dull, something was pulling him down.He felt warm in his friends arms. "g...goodnight..." 

"Sleep." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: In this fic exile lasted between 6-8 months. Long enough to seriously mess things up, but not a full year. The Pogtopia conflict lasted about 5 months compared to the canon 2 (I think)
> 
> I'm realizing just how long these chapters are getting. I forgot how far I go when I'm invested in a universe I make. Hope the sudden change in length isn't exhausting. If I'm too long winded I can try to cut back a bit. I just want set up and everything to go. (would anyone like me to make a mini series dedicated to the memoires? Like canon to the story but in a separate work so the story can progress and I don't get distracted writing background?)

**Author's Note:**

> Stay safe kitties.


End file.
